29

29.

 

Twenty….9

 

Nearly 30…

 

2moro I turn 29…. and I don’t remember how to spell tommorrow…. tomorrow, there it is…

 

Some say 30 is the new 20, those people are idiots.

 

Is it weird that I’m freaking out as much as I am over this? I’m not 30 yet, but dude its coming… one more year until people are like oh dude you’re 30? Like what in the world cool happens once 30 hits? I see 30 as the career years, like I’ve got the family thing going now, but I’m still here and there with this career thing, I know that’s terrible right, but that’s where I am in this process called life… it’s all a process.

I’m nearly 30 and I still have the voice of a 15yr old… haha I do man, i hate my voice sometimes, I always wanted to have a deep raspy voice, but I have a moderately high medium voice, its not feminine or anything, I’m no James Earl Jones is all… I want that I want to be able to pick up a mic and shake walls… I want to have a good “You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch” Christmas voice… but it didn’t happen, maybe I need to take up smoking, might help me lose weight… ha.

Man, I had no clue what I wanted out of life when I turned 20

Does anyone?

29 dude…

weird haha…

I don’t feel old…

Sometimes my knees hurt, that’s probably from football, I like pretending I was a big deal in football in high school… I wasn’t. I hated it. We all know that one…

Now that I am getting older I really notice that I am more close to being an old man than I realize. I like people watching now. I prefer not to drive around as much as I used to… I used to take long drives and jam out to music, now I just want to get to where I’m heading and stay put. I enjoy soups and sandwiches a lot, and soft foods. I listen to more southern gospel than ever, I can’t stand teenagers, especially hipster kids… I hate it when they call things “epic”, Skinny jeans… don’t even get me started…. I can’t stand the hairstyles kids have now too and I hate how I look off into the crowd at a restaurant and everyone is texting. I pee at least 2 times a night… it’s so annoying… smallest bladder ever…. I almost want some Depends… just go man…

People don’t have conversations anymore, we’d all rather text each other. Our children are going to be so screwed up unless we let them day dream… allow your kids to have a friggin imagination…take that phone-ipad-laptop away dude, seriously… tell them to go outside, get some scuffed knees, build a fort… GET DIRTY!

That annoys me.

Sigh-

Am I crazy? Like do any other guys out there stress out about getting older? I think its more that I feel like the “good old days” are over, not that good times aren’t upon me, I love life, I love my amazing family, my girls, I wouldn’t trade it for anything, but I guess its really just a huge pivotal move in life, it’s the next 10 years that will build the foundation for career and family and buying the house of our dreams… you know, all that adult crap…

I feel super immature sometimes.

Like I’m a teenager in this body and life of a 29 year old, sometimes I have no idea what I am doing hahah, seriously, sometimes I have no idea what I am doing, how I got somewhere, day dream away for minutes at a time then realize I’m not a single dude living life… I cant seem to explain it well…

There are guys I know who are very well centered already in life with who they are and what they want to do in life…

I never really figured out until recently.

Does that make me less of a man?

All I know is this…

so pay attention,

I’ve spent the last 10 years, 10 years of my life, doing whatever it was that I wanted to do… it was the Jon Show, everyday, for 10 years. I did what I wanted, and had few consequences. I’ve done that, I didn’t get that far… sure I did some pretty cool things that few will ever get to experience in life, but when I look back at it… it’s just stupid stuff… just stuff…

This next 10 years, well, I think that’s dedicated to others… not myself. I’ve been such a selfish individual, man I suck. I feel like I’ve become this shell of a person who I once was, I used to be such a giver, such a emotional man who cared about others, I used to live to find out how people were doing, and who new people were, how their lives were going and how I could help them smile.

I want to care again.

Man, I’ve become rough.

I really shy’d up.

When did I get so shy?

Maybe I had so many people tell me to calm down that I shut down completely and became who I hate. Just a dude who keeps to himself, angry, cranky, grumpy dude who just wants get from point A to B without enjoying the drive.

I want to hold my wife like I mean it.

I want her to feel and see the man who she fell in love with in that parking lot nearly 4 years ago. I want her to fall even harder in love with me, and I want to remember that she’s just a gal who I fell in love with and not someone who is trying to ruin my life by making me be a grown up responsible go to work in a tie guy hahaha… man what is wrong with me… I love my wife, shes my girl… that girl was made for me! I waited all my life for someone to love me back…

I want this next 10 years to be a time of accomplishment. I’ve already given myself a goal of losing as much weight as I can before 30, I’m doing good, eating healthy working out walking daily… I have a different perspective of food now, I’ve been on it pretty well for a month now and I’m starting to realize how bad my addiction to food is… man, I love me some food… but it’s going to be the end of me if I keep eating like an idiot. My problem is, is that everyone else is skinnier than me and I eat as much as they do when we hang out and it doesnt stick to them but it does to me and then I’m like “well crap, how are you still skinny, oh you dont always eat like this, just every now and then well great now I feel like crap and since I’m an emotional eater I’m heading to IHOP!”

Emotional eater.

That can pretty much sum up why I’m a fatty.

That’s why next 10 years, I’m only eating one slice of turkey a day…

If only it wouldn’t give me the shakes and make me want to lay down and cry…

Don’t even get me started on my baby girl…

Man, I want so much for her in life… but my butt better be getting on it if I want to see her future… I don’t want her to have to go through daddy’s pains. I don’t want her to feel left out, or behind in life, or feel like she can’t do something because we didn’t make enough money to get the best of things for her… I couldn’t live with myself for being so selfish. It’s all about her now. I know I got some life left in me to give… a ton of it… a long life of loving and work and dedication to watching her grow, but I have to wake up…

 

Father fill me with the desires of your heart and not mine. Lord you know who I am, you know what I am capable of, so I beg of you, please, fill me with the desires of your heart and not my own, Lord. God take me to a place where I would walk in faith knowing that is it the right path, that I would not fret, that I would not falter, that I would stand tall and know that I am righteous. God that people would see you in me and not me for who I am, I am a lowly sinner, I suck, I tell you that daily, faithfully, I know I suck at loving you but God that’s why you are God, you forgive me for the junk. God replace my hearts desires….

 

So the challenge lies before me, growing older and growing up. I want to be an amazing husband, and I want to be an amazing dad. I have nothing but good intentions. I guess its just scary to this man-child. I can’t help but wonder if it’s this scary for everyone else? I mean not like literally afraid to move forward but… wow… wait…. this pessimistic guy… who is that… see this is who I’ve becoming, glass is always half empty… I hate that about me. I hate that I fall so easily into this….

Who is this guy…

I hope I get it figured out… 

 

Blah….

 

 

GET OUTTA THIS FUNK SIRON….

 

DUCKS FLY TOGETHER!

 

Pray for me yall…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, hello there…

I figure its been long enough since my last rambling. See, there have been some changes since I last spoke, so let’s get you up to speed…

 

1. We moved. Yup, I am no longer in Springfield, no longer an insurance guy, no longer a suburban family suckling off the teet of middle class mediocrity. I have a long history of working in food service, and I took a position with Missouri S&T as the Director of Retail… yup, big title, salary, long hours, 1 day off a week (maybe), I make schedules, and babysit a staff of 50 “grown ups” who absolutely hate that I am younger than them and in the position I am in. So life is just awesome for me…

2. Paisleigh is a walker. Yup, she can walk now. She is into everything, and I mean everything, if she can reach it, its in her hands and potentially in her mouth… its a nightmare. I just wish that she should could remain little but be so insanely intelligent that she knows that sleep isn’t bad, that its dangerous to put random things in your mouth, and that crying about anything we say “No” to isn’t kosher.

3. We live in Rolla, Mo. Rooollllllaaaaa Misery….. Meth and cowboy capital of Missouri. Whoopidy freakin doo…. I hate this town, it’s a fine place to visit with family, but man oh man it’s just one of those little farm towns with randomly one of the best technology colleges in america in it… You’d think the town would be better. But it’s not… it sucks.

4. I found an outlet. I started an Improv comedy company at the local theater to keep my sanity. It’s pretty awesome, we have a legit theater to do shows out of, and we are already booking shows around the community! So that’s pretty cool. I’ll post pics when I can once we have some to post… heh.

5. Well, that might be all that’s different now…

 

So…

 

here we are…

 

how ya doin…

 

Can I be honest? I think that’s been the theme of my blog right, honesty? Well, honestly, let’s talk about how much of a mistake it was to move to Rolla hahaha, that’s whats on my mind dude, haha… Like, it is amazing, and awesome, and the best thing ever seriously that we are so close to Chasitys family, they are such a blessing to our lives, like for real, they are. If you think you have a great family, times it times a million bazillion and then you have my wife’s family. Seriously… That is the only, and best part of being in this town.

I really honestly can’t stand this job. It’s not the job, it’s just the people. This place has the most negative people who work here, sure there are some gems in the rubble, but man, there is just the worst energy here… bad ora all around… negative vibes… bad bad bad bad vibrations… (everyone get that who’s gonna get it…) anyway. I don’t know if it’s just the town or what, but man some places you experience in life are just like this I guess… I mean the last time I experienced something like this was when I worked a summer job cutting window frames in half at a factory… don’t ask… I was full-time staff within a room of ex cons, mexican mafia, and 1 dude who had an eye patch… seriously…

And I already know my christian friends out there are saying “God puts us where we are for a reason, and to be Christ-like for those people….” Well let me trade you jobs for a minute and let you come live this dream for a day… I sound ungrateful don’t I? I’m really not, I thank God for blessing us with a job in general during this time of life where some are without a job, but man, it just really gets to me. It’s the same people who are negative day in and day out, the older folks who have been here since dirt and are stuck in their ways about how things are ran, and I can’t call them out on their crap because they’ve been here forever and are considered “The A Team”.  I hate that. They do their job, but without the smile we encourage all to have and they get away with it… really bothers me…

It bothers me to the point where I am not myself here. I consider myself a pretty happy guy, good-humored and whatnot. I for the life of me, can’t smile here. It’s in my head too much I think…

I think about holidays missed with my baby girl, I missed the Christmas parade, and getting to see her face light up seeing Santa and the lights. I miss out on her growing up. I wasn’t there for her first steps… She did a somersault the other day, I hear. It breaks me down. I turn into this big baby that just wants to run home and hug his family over it. I miss them, I need them. It sucks…

I get that I am the provider for the family, that’s fine, doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt me when I miss those things.

My dad traveled for my of my childhood, he did sales for engineering companies, the dude would be gone every week. He missed things here and there, but he was truly there for all the big stuff, and I remember that, I don’t remember who was there when my first tooth came in or the first time I said a real word. I don’t care really… I just hope I can be there for those big things and more importantly that she remembers I was there…

I guess we chalk it up to getting older.

I loathe getting older.

I loathe being an adult. It’s not fun.

It’s not.

I thought when I was going to be older I would be some movie star or huge comedian on SNL.

I sometimes feel that I was told I was “awesome” too many times. Maybe I was encouraged TOO much when growing up. Gave me too high of hopes for myself… maybe we need to teach our children that it’s not going to be a glamorous life-like they see on the TV.

Society kills me…

America kills me…

we gluttonous money hungry fools…

People are dying in other countries, even right here in America… there are some among us who live in shanty towns, houses made out of boxes we throw away.

It’ll never change…

Bah…

 

Anyways…

 

That got dark quick huh? Geez, Debbie Downer…

 

Sorry…

 

Life ain’t always cupcakes and cartwheels…

 

especially for people living in boxes….

 

 

 

 

 

Lord, I apologize…

 

 

 

Good to be back ya’ll….

 

Bangarang!

If you have eve blogged then you’ll know what I’m talking about- Have you ever started a blog, a real good blog, and then were pulled away from your computer and then came back to it hours later to finish said blog and then realized your in a much better mood from what happened while away…

That’s what just happened.

I had an amazing blog, one for the record books, one people would laugh about later in their day or life upon reminiscence of-

And I just deleted all of it.

Something happened, my day and attitude changed, for the wayyy better.

I had an amazing verbiage onslaught of rant upon the idea of “burnout”.

But now,

Now I’m over it to the angry extent I was going to rant upon it, I mean it was bad, like Taylor Swift “Why Ya Gotta Be So Mean” bad…

I was going to rant on how much I dislike something and that’s not productive to do, but dangit, it’s fun, right?

Occupational burnout or colloquially as job burnout is characterized by exhaustion, lack of enthusiasm and motivation, feeling ‘drained’, and also may have the dimension of frustration and/or negative emotions and cynical behaviour, and as a result – reduced professional efficacy within the workplace.

Here’s the deal, let’s talk this out and rationalize it-

Why are you in the career position you are right now?

Are you at the top? Are you at Mecca in your job? Doesn’t get any better than that?

I accepted a position with a company doing sales, something I had never, ever, done before, why they wanted ME, was purely off of my amazingly outgoing, humorous, and sexy personality, or so I’ve heard…

I had never done sales in my life! I was extremely unqualified for selling insurance! I mean borderline a liability here in the office…

I only know what “Liability” means now because I worked here!

I could honestly, honestly care less who has what insurance coverage and where they got it-

I am smarter about it personally because of all the horror stories I’ve heard-

The kicker-

I don’t even have insurance with the company I sell it for! OMiGosh! LOL

Not because I found a “better” product, but because for me personally, it was all about price- and that stupid little green lizard actually did save me hundreds… AND IT DID ONLY TAKE 15 MINS!

And I’m not going to be ashamed of it any longer!

So there cruel world! Take that! Ha!

Since I was 15 years old, I’ve just known what I am supposed to do with my life, and that is be in ministry, whether that position has me as a Youth Pastor, or Mentor at a crisis center, I don’t know, all I know is that I have a passion, no a calling, to help others. All I want to do with my life is help others, I want to listen to them, I want to hear their every hearts dream, I want to connect them with people who can help develop those gifts and talents, I want to see people succeed!

I don’t want to get yelled at by some dude who doesn’t want to have a telemarketer calling him trying to sell insurance!

People HATE sales calls.

I do too…

I guess I figured that people would love my warm and funny personality… but they don’t. they can’t see me smile back, and actually listen to them speak their mind-

The absolute only part I love about my “job”, is when I get to go to other peoples homes and sit on their couch, or kitchen table, and they offer me a drink and them tell me about their lives. I don’t know what happens or why people feel so relaxed with me to tell me intimate details and quirks from their lives, but it happens.

2 times I have brought grown men to tears just by sitting back and listening to their story.

That’s what I want to do!

There is nothing in my heart that wants to wake up every day, put on my slacks and polo, and then go bother people on the phone all day with something they don’t want! I hate that! I can’t stand it! Who wants a salesman to call them?!

But it pays the bills…

Unless I can find a job where I just randomly call people and say, “Go ahead…” and expect them to tell me stories all day then I have to keep it real and work, otherwise The Sirons might be living under the bridge your drive over on the way to your job!

We cowboy up, and we ride. Right?

Men are called to provide for their families, and that’s all I’m trying to do. Honestly, it’s all I want to do! I want my wife and daughter to have things I didn’t have, which honestly, is kind of hard, because my dad wanted the same for me, and my sister and I did get what we wanted! BUT it was because of his hard work to provide that lifestyle for us! My dad worked- every week he was gone, flying to new cities selling mining products, and he missed out on some things sure, but he wanted us to have what he never did- That’s all I want now too!

I finally understand why when my sister and I were busy getting all the stuff we wanted when I’d look over and ask him why he wasn’t getting something new, he would say, “aw I don’t need it” I feel the same way now too- I don’t need anything now- I just want to spoil my girls.

Money is evil, man.

Well, it can be anyway.

I’m not a man who wants to be a millionaire by any means, sure it’d be nice, but I just want enough to have a good savings account, with enough, not “just enough”, but enough to live relaxed and not scared of bills. That’s all I’m working for-

It’s funny how we go from high school where mommy and daddy still take care of our every need, to them weening us off a bit in college, then by the end of college you sort of have it under control, surviving off of ramen noodles and the cafeteria to being an adult with a job, hardly any bills really, maybe renting a place with a buddy, then once you meet that love of your life…

It’s allllllllll you buddy!

Ramen noodles don’t fly at our house…

You’ve got the house payment, car payment, insurance, cell phones, tv, internet, gas bill, electric, water, sewer, the garbage man needs his 40 bucks for 3 months of picking up your crap, and then food, and heaven forbid you have a child and then theres diapers, and clothes, and formula, oooohhhh Lordie formula…. 15 BUCKS A CAN AND SHE GOES THROUGH IT LIKE SHE THINKS IF SHE KEEPS DRINKING IT SHE’LL WIN SOMETHING! I mean how in the world do you even try to save a dollar when you have all these things to pay! I’ve literally had checks when I’ve said ok now whats left for us to do something with and my wife has said $0.43!

Lord have mercy can I get a witness?!

Oh, well it’s a recession, and everyone is feeling it… I get that, but man oh man, things are tight right now aren’t they? How long will this go on? I am not a political person at all but dude someone has gotta fix this! We all need to shut up and stop arguing and listen to a good plan otherwise were going down, baby.

What is your passion?

What makes you tick?

What makes you feel like no one can stop you and on top of the world?

Now,

Why aren’t you doing it?

(Well, Jon, because ribbon dancing puppeteer-ing doesn’t pay the bills… )

I get that, and even for me, knowing I should be in a church somewhere teaching students yet haven’t been called to a church yet…waiting patiently… I know what I am called to do…

But I’m still working towards it while being stuck behind this desk… I’ve written more comedy over the past year than ever before having this desk job I hate.

How can you be productive in your passion right where you are in life?

You need to figure this out, because if your like me, and you feel burnout at work, then how are you going to fix it? What can you do right now to achieve your goals?

Let me tell you this, E! is not going to show up at your door with cameras one day to pay you so they can film your every move, you are not a Kardashian ladies.

Men, the NFL is not calling you, please take off the jersey and get real-

We think we grow up, get married, and give up our dreams because we find different goals, like just watching our children get married and growing old with our spouse. That is all well and good and that’s living the dream too, but I don’t want my daughter to grow old, get married, and then give up on what she always wanted to do with her life, No Way!

I want to teach her to tackle her goals no matter how silly they seem to us “Grown Ups” You had a dream once, maybe if you look for a minute you can find it again!

Whatever you have to do to find that person you were 5, 10, 20 years ago, find them, shake them, and wake them up however you have to because we are not living up to our full potential here!

You were not made to work inside a cubical for someone who belittles you, and has power trips every other day!

You were meant for so much more, and that’s the truth, whether you want to get biblical or not about is all up to you and God, but I know my life is supposed to be something I can’t even fathom right now, maybe something will happen in a day, or even 3 years, or 10, but at least I know who I am and I’m not giving up on my calling.

Don’t give up.

You can do it.

As Julia Roberts playing “Tink” in Hook would say, (best movie ever btw)

“Find your happy place!”

And then….

Bangarang!

Denominations and You by Jon Siron

Denominations put people into categories that make christians against each other and that is not what the Gospel preaches. – Me

I like to refer to myself, religion-wise, as a denominational mutt, meaning because I was raised at my Grandpas hells fire and brimstone Pentecostal church, I visited my other grandparents Lutheran church, we went to an AG church, I went to youth group at a Presbyterian, Methodist, and Baptist church through the week, I also volunteered and went to a non-denominational group called Young Life, and now as an adult, I chose Non- Denom churches…

I get that the first rebuttal from someone who already hates what I am saying is probably along the lines of “People make those choices to be against other denominations, not churches themselves… ” In my experience, that’s not necessarily true, every denomination I have visited makes jokes about other denominations, given if you don’t have a light hearted sense of humor about it, can be taken in the wrong way.

It really makes me wonder why people chose the denoms they do- So, open forum, you’re reading this, so leave me a post of where you go to church and why.

Answer some of these questions too, maybe not for me, but just for yourself-

Why am I here?

Are you going to the same church just because that is where you were raised or your parents dropped you off at?

Do you truly agree with the denominations values and beliefs?

Do you truly even know what the church you are going to believes in itself?

Have you ever read or taken the time to ask about the mission statement of the church?

What do you like about where you go?

Are you only there because you have friends there?

Does the preacher convict you?

Is the music good?

Do you need to have a rock show worship, or are you fine with a choir and organ?

What do you actually believe?

What do you want from a church, and are you getting it from where you go?

If you love where you go, have you become a member? If not, why?

Are you tithing to that church?

Are you giving your full 10%?

If not, are you in a financial bind?

(Because I guarantee once you start tithing, you will see double increase in your income!)

God blesses good stewards!

These are extremely important things to think about! You cannot just choose a church based on if they sing your favorite worship song or not! How quick are we to judge another church in how they worship or how the pastor preaches! JUDGING IS A SIN! How dare we say we won’t go somewhere because we don’t enjoy their style right? We all do it though… I mean I know you will never catch me in a traditional Lutheran, or catholic church… but I’m just saying, I too need to work on my judgement of other denominations-

If you want to listen to an organ in the morning and not an overdone laser light show with rock metal music and worship leaders in skinny jeans and a scarf… then by all means pipe away…

There are many like me, who have a more eclectic style where I can sit in a tabernacle listening to Gaither Hymns all day, or I can go to the neighborhood Six Flags over Jesus, get my Starbucks and dance in the aisle…

I don’t care how you worship, we don’t all worship the same way…

I have a couple songs that I can listen to that will bring tears of joy to my heart and I’ll be driving down the road and before I know it, the dude next to me is wondering why I’ve got my arm out the window praising God and weeping like a baby… it’s happened more times than I like to admit…

I am so sick of people not claiming where they go to church and being proud of it.

There is a certain stigma with the church I like to attend here in town, it is what you would call a “Mega- Church”, I’m not a member, only because I like to go to several churches, I don’t like being tied down, if I want to go to a small church one day, I will, if I want to get my face melted off, I go to Mass… hahaha…. noooo way… I love you Ryan,(my best friend who happens to be catholic who reads my blog) but man oh man I don’t like the idea of going to mass and saying “Hey, uh, here’s my prayer Mr. Saint, can you put in a word to the big guy for me?”

My God talks to me, we have a direct line… I don’t need any middle man… we got this… no secretary needed…

One of the other denominations I love the people of who love God too, but Lord almighty, I cannot do business with the tree huggin hippies over at the methodist church… ohhhh man, I was once a youth pastor for a methodist church… goodness sakes… during the interview for that position a mom came in for the group interview in a swimsuit… the pastor carried a gun at all times… it was just too much man… God bless them and may He do what he wants with that place but… ya… I feel I am tad liberal, but I lean pretty conservative in the churchly world…

See what I mean, about christians being against other christians? I mean I just ranted on other churches and I’m telling you not to! It’s so easy to just fall right into dogging on someone or thing… I feel bad about it, but I’m just keeping it real, y’all-

I just look at Christ and what he taught us as humans and I just don’t get how people can take what he said and interpret into one thing or another idea… of course if we took everything literal we’d all be amish… right? is that what they do? I know they make good bread… if being amish means you know how to make that bread, then maybe I’d like to amish… except I can’t grow a full beard… and I like to shower… and video games… and I’m fat… and they would hate me… because I don’t speak german… don’t they speak german or something? What’s that all about? or in their pronunciation, “Aboot” Gosh, I’m a bad person… Luckily I have a Father who forgives me… no hail marys needed… unless im on the field… which I just now understood why they call it that…long pass…a prayer… Hmm.

And what’s the deal with these mormons… just kidding…

How’s about I just rant on every denomination completely ruining how I meant this blog to be…

Mormons are only a little less jacked up than Tom Cruise and his placenta eating Scientologist friends and whatever the people on Sister Wives are…are they mormon?! Dude that show is jacked up!

Have you seen the Amish show on the Discovery Channel? I think its on that channel… where its a documentary about a man who helps teenagers leave the amish life… amish people are jacked up too!

I think when we get to heaven God is going to look at us and say “None of y’all had it all right…”

I think He is going to look at me, hopefully give a mighty chuckle, shake his head and say, “Come on, let’s go see your dad… he’s been waiting for you…and after that, I want to show you a few things…”

I don’t think any denomination has it all figured out… though I do think Jesus loves him some Gaither Homecoming dvd’s. I bet whatever denomination Bill Gaither is, is what we should all be… he is amazing.

I think we should all give up fighting each other on all of this too.. what good has it done to shun an atheist or beat up a struggling homosexual? Such an easy target for “Christians” Who do you think you are?! I know we are not supposed to hate, but I HATE the ignorance people have who think one sin is worse than others! The church needs to preach this! I wish pastors would remind their church every single sunday of this fact!

Christianity as a whole has a biiiiiiiiiiggggg scar right now in life that churches in the past have ripped open wounds and poured salt into…. People everywhere have such a horrible taste in their mouths from some ignorant church, or some idiot false prophet, telling them they are going to burn in hell for whatever they are doing… condemning people and making all of Christianity look like crazy jerks.

Had you seen the article about the group of Christians that went to Gay Pride in LA and apologized for how Christians treated them, and there is the picture of a homosexual man hugging a christian?

Granted, I think that even Homosexuals scowled at the picture because the gay man was only wearing tighty whiteys… whatever works bro… it’s the point that some of us are actually trying to fix this!

But then again,

For every one person trying to fix this, there are 100 idiots out there who go to church on Sundays then are calling every well dressed & manicured man the “F” word on Monday.

I’m straight, and I love manicures… if you’ve never had one.. what are you waiting for, go!

The church needs to fix the people in it’s own building before we even need to think about stepping outside the walls…

I get that the church is full of sinners that’s why we are there, but man, if you can’t even get your own sin in check why in the world are you casting judgement on others?!

Throw that stone and see what happens, judge yourself first then once you get yourself in line…which will be never… then you can call others out!

I love God, I love Jesus, I love church, but man, we really have to focus more attention on ourselves…

So take what you will from this… I’m fired up… you should be too! Do something different and love others, stand out from the crowd and beg for forgiveness…

This is truly being Christ-like.

Love yall-

J

10 years later…

10 years.

10 YEARS?!

Insanity.

Life seriously seems to fly by, I can remember graduating high school like it was yesterday! I can remember little details like how I was locked out of the civic arena minutes before we were supposed to walk, what I was wearing and who was there to cheer me on… I remember that I had a pocket full of confetti that I was too nervous to throw in the air when it actually came time to walk across the stage… I wussed out. Honestly, I saw that they were taking pictures and Bethany Simpson was my partner to walk with and I didn’t want to ruin her picture… I was a gentleman.

I remember all the plans I had, going to Chicago to chase after a comedy dream, down to Orlando working for Disney, which actually did happen, btw… I was chasing the dream of being every one’s favorite lovable sidekick in a new comedy movie, making millions and living the dream.

Living the dream….

Kinda makes you sit back in your chair a bit huh?

Maybe I am the only one that ever plays out the “winning the lottery” dream over and over in my head about what I would do when I won the 300 Million, would I take it in a lump sum, or rake in hundreds of thousands a month, would I donate some to my school, or surprise some friends, retire at 28, have homes in every city… I hope I am not alone in that dream…

I always thought that I would be someone that when I came back to my hometown that people would swoon over me, signing autographs, people wanting pictures with me and renaming my high school theater after me… man I was really into myself.

I guess we all have dreams though. Sometimes if we work hard, and put forth the effort we can achieve those dreams… ah who am I kidding, the world is jacked up place and no one ever gets exactly what they want… if they think they have gotten to the place where they are the most happy, there’s always something missing or crazy that happens like they lose a leg, or develop speech impediment, or get real ugly…

Is it crazy that I still hate some of the people who were jerks to me in high school, like I don’t want to beat them up, or shoot them or anything, but I just don’t wish anything good for them in life hahaha… that’s horrible, but I gotta keep it real… I just hope that if I see them at the reunion this weekend that they have the fortitude to apologize… I just visualize them sitting at a table, all together again, only talking to their group of “popular” friends, pointing and laughing at me, sad and embarrassed I leave the party to the parking lot where I go Carrie Underwood Louisville Slugger on their not so fancy as expected cars… just kidding… maybe…

It’s crazy that when you get bullied in high school the effect is has on you 10 years later… maybe I need to get over it, it just made me so self conscious though… it really did. I hate it when people don’t like me, it bothers me, what did I do wrong? Am I not as muscular and good looking as you are? Do I not have the right clothes on? I certainly make more money than I did back in high school so that can’t be it…

I never did anything wrong to those people…

I really hate them huh?

Geez, where did all that come from?

It’s amazing what God has brought me through in life, but those little things like that we still cling to- I guess it makes us who we are in life, I know because of things like that I care more abundantly for people, I love interactions with others, I am very outgoing and apparently reassuring of myself…

I’m still in process, and maybe I’m not who I am supposed to be yet, but man, I am so much better than who I used to be…

I think in life that it’s too easy to fall into the rut of society, meaning, people are so used to suckling on the teat of media telling them what to wear and who to be like and to buy this and that and if you don’t have this or that you suck…

I’m sure someone has a rebuttal for me on that one-

BE LIKE KIM KARDASHIAN! That’s the definition of beauty right?

Even my wife, a grown woman, swoons over this chick! When that show comes on, I don’t exist… She says “I just love them, they are fun to watch…” All I can do is shake my head-

Humans fantasize about living lavish lifestyles, living on the beach, being driven around in the back of an Escalade, dropping thousands of $’s on shoes in one sitting…

I get that to fantasize is sometimes referred to as “The American Dream” but what about those of us who are not all that different, but connected through a spiritual wavelength of just wanting to get through life by treating others right, loving our families, and having just a little extra to do something special… That’s all I want, I don’t need lavish homes that look like a designer threw up in it, I don’t need a car that warms my butt in the winter and cools it in summer, I don’t need to impress others, though it’s something I struggle with…

What makes us just “die” to have these things? I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, humans have “Stuffidis” we have a condition that we want and want and want and want and want… if there is not something you want, you’re a liar!

My struggle again is the need to impress others, especially with this 10 year reunion thing coming up, I thought I would be someone completely different than who I am, I never thought I’d get married, let alone have a child… neither did my wife by the way… we were destined to meet though, and we did… I think that I definitely need to work on who I see myself as, because this makes me feel like I am a very vain person, I find my identity in “Stuff”! How much stuff do you have now, what quality of stuff do you have now, do you buy your stuff here or there, what kinda stuff do you drive, what stuff makes you money to buy more stuff?

It’s unfortunate, but it’s true…

Why are we so obsessed with being “somebody?”

People need to take a Navin R. Johnson look at life and just be excited their name is in the Phonebook… (if you get that reference, we should be besties)

A person who I was not necessarily friends with in high school once pointed out to me that even if we are a people who thing we are talking outside the box and doing something different, really isn’t true, there are people who feel exactly like me, just like there are people who will fight me on their stance that you have to buy everything you see on E! that the celebs have…

To the people who don’t want to conform to this society, guess what, by not conforming, you are still conforming to a group!

“So, yer sayin…that, I’m “the man”, whitey, and you guys are the victims of a tyrannical, racist, oppressive society… MAN THAT SUCKS!!” (If you haven’t seen Black Sheep, why are we friends?)

I never really thought I would be such an activist, maybe that’s too harsh of words, just a dude that cares so much about fighting what society tells us is acceptable, I am so tired of having junk tossed down my throat though, I mean really, I don’t want to hear about half the stuff that is on tv anymore… we just got Direct Tv, and I’m not very impressed with it because they boast 150 channels for 20 bucks, then you expect to have awesome channels, and I have 30 channels alone that are home shopping channels and tele-mercials!! I absolutely hate that I am paying for spam channels! Now I get an email every other day from them too that tells me about more channels I don’t need!

We wake up in the morning and what’s the first thing you do? I guarantee you check Facebook right?

People can’t hold normal conversations anymore, we either have that phone in our hand looking at it the entire time, or we are texting the person sitting next to us!

Kids these days have Iphones by the age of 12! When I was 12 I was out riding my bike and catching fireflies, getting scuffed knees and lost in neighborhoods…

We can’t even let our kids play outside anymore! Everyone is a creeper now! Everyone is going to snatch out children and do some weird crap with them!!

Our children need to have an imagination… giving them cell phones and letting them watch crap like Jersey Shore is ruining society… I’m just saying…

Be original with yourself, and your children, dont plop them down in front of the tv, do something wild and crazy like talk to them!!

Ughh….

Blows my mind what has become of society in the past 10 years…

I’ve said this before too, but I just want to be a dude, who loves his family, who does the right things, who lived his life how God taught was right, and that might be thought of by someone randomly for being who he was all the time, not some fake dude who loves stuff…

The only thing, absolute only thing that is important in life for me, is leaving my daughter with the memory of how awesome I was haha…. that’s it, if she learns anything from watching daddy that makes her a true and just person in this life, that loves people and loves God on her own, not through anyone or even me telling her He is real… then I did my job.

Also it’d be good if I had some nice stuff to leave her that she can sell for way cheaper than I paid for it to make some money to go to Cabo or something…

Hey everyone, in the past 10 years I didn’t make it to SNL, I didn’t make a movie, (though I am in one…), I’m not on tv, or even that funny all the time anymore, I’ve calmed down, I don’t throw Rt 44′s full of slushy out of my Jeep Wrangler at mothers walking down Ashland anymore… I have a wife, a really, really hot wife who LOVES me back, I have an amazing baby daughter who is the light of my world, and guess what, I don’t have a ton of Ikea stuff in my house, or drive a BMW, I’ve never been over seas on vacay, nor have do I travel as much as I like, but guess what…

I’m happy…

I’m so happy.

Like, never thought possible happy.

I’ve had more fun in my life over the past 10 years than I’ve ever had before.

I’ve had some of the absolute hardest times too-

I’d never trade any of it for a different story though, not for 300 million dollars, or 410 thousand a month for the next 30 years…

(that’d be nice though…)

…… Just so my daughter can blow it all on BMW’s and Ikea furniture for her house on the beach in Cali stuffed with all her clothes from DASH and $30k heels…

It’s an inevitable sick cycle…

Thanks for letting me rant…

Couple Friends

 

When I was a kid the most popular thing to do on the weekends was spend the night at a friends house. It still could be the popular thing to do, but I haven’t been a kid for about 15 years. Friday would come, and you would go around to friends and in my case, ask them if they wanted me to stay the night at their place, see I loved going to other peoples houses, I thought mine was boring, who wants to be around their own stuff when we could play with YOUR stuff? Right outta the shoot I was a selfish person. hah.No,seriously. I hated having people over to my house because I am an entertainer, from a young age I wanted to be in a new scene all the time so I could use their stuff to make jokes, to use their life situation to better my own.

Not that we had some crappy house or whatever we had a great big house growing up, nice stuff, and plenty of toys. I just wanted someone to want me to come over. I had some toys, but not the same ones as others, I wanted to play with nerf guns, and legos, none of which I had. I duno why, my parents just never….wait I do know why, mom didn’t want me to play with guns, too violent I guess, which I was totally fine with, but the legos thing, now as a parent I totally see why… those puppies would be everywhere, and that would be annoying, and as a parent, the less annoyed we have to be in life, the better. NOT that we don’t like our kids, it’s just that we have to find a piece of normality in our days, and if that means not having to pick up a lego we stepped on in the middle of the night that scares us to the point where we fall into the wall or coffee table and hurt our selves, then no Legos it is. 

I wasn’t that popular in elementary school, I kind of noticed it but I was a kid so it didn’t bother me, I was too busy just having fun and trying to get through school haha. I was a horrible student too, oh man, just horrible. I probably had ADD, and went unprescribed all my life. I’m glad I didn’t have to take some pills to calm me down. I hate that some parents suck and can’t handle their kids wild imaginations and just put them on drugs to chill them out. I remember a lot of times I would call some of the “popular” kids to spend the night, and they would always have outlandish excuses, they hated me, it was super discouraging. I always invited them to do things, and they seldomly would comply. It was hurtful and I still hate them for it. ….. same guys who were popular, and jerks in high school… same guys who still live in St. Joe, unhappy, always going to the same bar, telling the same “remember when” stories… At least I get a kick imagining it that way. I’m sure if one of them read this, (they know who they are) they would want to meet me at 3pmat Eagles field to fight. There’s a couple of those dudes that God really puts on my heart to forgive, but man, it’s hard. haha. 

In High school, things transitioned a bit, I started hanging out with a new best friend, Nick. He made me laugh. We did the absolute dumbest things together as you tend to do with you high school friends. The first time I met him, he was making out with a girl on my other friends couch and stopped, winked at me like “ya buddy!”, then kept on kissing. I instantly liked him. The next day I went over to his house, and when I got there, he was outside swinging from a tree, I kid you not, I was scared. Then, over the next 3 hours, we developed that character from him being an idiot in the tree into an autistic gorilla named CoCo who knew sign language and made up words that only Nick and I understood. He was my best friend. 

9 years later, through college together and being there for me at my wedding, much like with Danny from elementary school, the relationship faded. 

We started talking less and less, he changed as a person, I changed too, and we just didn’t have that same fire in our eyes for being best friends. It was the hardest thing I had gone through in a while. 

I then met Chris. Chris is my best friend. Chris lives in KC, I in Springfield, and we hate that we can’t hang out on weekends. We try to see each other often, but man, life happens and things get hard. We were each others best men at our weddings. We one day want to be neighbors, though we joke whoever has the bigger house the other will move into the basement. I miss him constantly, even though we text each other nearly daily, its not the same. 

I saw all this because we are at a new cross roads. 

We have become a married couple.

I have my new best friend forever. I know how cliche and lovey dovey that sounds. It’s true. It’s the one person who will be by my side until one of us, or both, however it happens, graduates to heaven. I could not ask for a better wife. She literally, not just the thing everyone says, she literally has made me a better man. I could not do a thing with out her now. I just remember being so lonely before I found her. When you hear God tell you, this is your wife, you listen, and man, I sure am glad I did. It’s been a total blessing. Life is so fun and different now that I have someone to spend it with. She is my best friend. 

It’s funny, once you get married, you move on and you don’t have as much time for the people who you used to be with 24/7. Not in a bad way where you don’t want to be around your buddies. You just have different priorities than friends. Especially single friends, man that was the hardest, I still have quite a few single friends, who haven’t met their person yet, and haven’t settled down for whatever reason. You still love them and want to spend time with them, but it’s just different.

They say, “you’ve changed” and to a point sure, ya I have, but at the same time I’m still partly the same dude, I still care about you, I still want to hang out, I just feel as though when we hang out, I have nothing to say to you hahaha. Not in a bad way, I just don’t know how to relate to some of my single friends anymore. You ask them what’s new and they go on a 30 minute stint about some new video game they got, or a new thing they are doing with some new friend and you try to keep up with them and encourage them but then it comes to the what’s new with me part and I say well, work is going good, wife is awesome, and the baby is growing… and before you know it they are changing the subject back to something else you don’t know what is about hahaha! 

As a couple we want “couple friends” and it’s been hard, sure we have friends who are married but just not the ones we want to necessarily surround ourselves with all the time. There are just these unspoken rules to being couple friends that we have all grown accustom to living by, do you know them? 


If not, here are the rules- 

1. Couples who aren’t married don’t understand. 

You don’t. Period. You are in La La Land, kids. Those googley eyes your giving each other, those sweet words of love and honey, sweetheart, boo boo, love muffin… Married folks don’t play that no ‘mo. Sure we still love each other, and call each other honey, but you won’t understand until you’re married. 

2. Couples who don’t have a kid, don’t understand. 

You don’t. Period. You want kids, awesome, you’re trying. Great! But until you have a kid, you just go on and enjoy your movie night, and date night, and concerts, and weekends to vegas, and blah blah blah. Live it up kiddos, because guess what, once that baby is here, kiss it all goodbye. Sure you might have grandma watch the baby for a weekend and go have fun, but once the real world slaps you in the face and you can’t go out because that tiny bundle of joy is tired and cranky and even though you’re all dressed up to go, they ain’t having it, then you’ll understand. 

People with kids who take those kids to other couples homes who don’t have kids, are always apologizing for something that kid is doing at the other couples house. “Can I set her down, don’t touch that, sorry, sorry sorry, ill get you a new one, oh that will come out….” You find out real quick who you’re real friends are once you have kids over to their place. 

3. Couple friends who move away, kiss that relationship goodbye. 

4. Couples who always have a babysitter and you don’t, shut up and stop telling us what you got to do last weekend. 

5. Couples have to like each other, meaning, I can’t just fire up a bromance with another dude anymore. My wife has to like his wife and his wife has to like my wife and we have to like each others wives and that’s that. You never want to hear from you’re wife, “Ya you all should go…” that means keep them outta my house if you like him then by all means go hang out but leave me outta it. 

6. BTW,  If you’re wife ever tells you, “Go hang out with your friends, it’s fine….” HAHAHAHA it’s never “Fine”. 

7. Couples, if you have an ugly baby, don’t wonder why other couples with pretty babies don’t want to hang out. 

8. Couples who take up real weird stuff like couples hot yoga, or repelling, don’t try to get us involved in all that hippie crap, you do your thing, we’ll do ours. 

9. Couples have to make sure they “click”, there’s always those first few awkward dates that we have to figure out if we like each other or not-

 ”They seem nice…” – meaning- “I bet she is friggin crazy huh?” 

“Yall are so fun…” – meaning – “How come they are so fun, … (what’s the catch?)” 

“We’ll call you!” -meaning- “Don’t call us-” 

“Bless your heart”- meaning- “Let’s never come here again…” 

10. If we come over and you’re house is real dirty, or you have an abundance of cats, or still have a Christmas tree up- we won’t be back over. 

11. Before you hang with another couple, the person who is already friends with one of the two in the couple sends a disclaimer text before you get there, for instance “Chas really hates brats, we can bring chicken-” Or, “Just don’t bring up anything about what we talked about earlier” 

12. The almighty eye brow raise and eye lock with your partner when it’s time to go- then blame it on the baby being tired, even though they are on the floor having a blast. 

13. If that doesn’t work, the- “Welp, we better let yall get some sleep…” routine. 

14. If you’re cooking was real weird, we won’t be back. 

15. The # of times you call each other “babe” while we are there, really can hinder if we hang again. 

16. The # of times you akwardly kiss in front of us, can too. 

17. If your my friend but your spouse is annoying and way too clingy too soon, we may need to do something different. Talking to her is too awkward, the next time we are there it’ll be even worse because she now knows our thoughts. 

AND 

18. As soon as you leave, YES, we are definitely going to talk about you, you’re not even out of the driveway yet… 

The Angel and the Devil

Have you ever been scared?

Not in the girl-from-The-Ring-Movie-crawling-out-of-the-tv sort of way, but truly nervous about something that you wanted so bad you could literally taste it.I’m naturally a pretty nervous person, I startle easily, and I convince myself of things like that there is a giant shark going to kill me in the deep end of the pool. I’ve always been that way, I used to be shy, but that’s because I just wanted to be left alone, mostly I still do want to be left alone, but as you get older you gain moments of toleration to others and situations you are put into.

When I was younger I played with GiJoes and Batman action figures, typical boy stuff, except for guns, mom didn’t allow me to have guns, water guns sure, but those cap guns and real-ish looking ones, she never let me have. I wasn’t mad, I just spent the night a lot at friends houses whose parents let them have guns and played with them there. . I would be up in my room playing, and it was dead silent. My dad would always walk in unannounced and see what I was doing, then he would ask, “what are you doing” and I would be down the on floor with either my wrestling ring and wrestlers having a battle royale, or I’d have the full fledged BatCave toy out with the Batmobile parked in the garage and I was in detailed story lines involving every action figure I owned, except the GiJoes that I had ripped apart and had mere left over legs and arms in my plastic container-o-toys.

They would wonder what was going on because I was dead silent.

See most young boys are loud and aggressive with their toys, a CRASH here and a BANG BANG there, screams of death and victorious laughter.

But not in my room.

Silence.

You see, all my toys had voices but they were,

In my head.

Sound crazy?

I would be up there having the time of my life, each individual action figure had a name, background, and voice of their own. They would all come together in my elementary mind each day after school, where in which during the day I would be writing scripts to act out at night when I got home. Different plot details, new twists and themes. It was more of an art for me. Not just mashing heads together and making grunting sounds.

I think this is where I started teaching myself characterization.

I started developing my personality, my humor, my comedy. I figured out what I thought was funny and figured out how to mold it to fit others lifestyles.

Forward a few years to 7th grade. Now, I was never known in elementary school for my style, or pop culture knowledge or anything like that- See I didn’t focus on things like that until 7th grade when my older sister was nearing high school and she would teach me about things like brands to wear, popular people, and music. The music thing was special to me, I always loved sunday worship time before church, I would lay under the pew and feel the bass of the drum pound off my chest and I thought it was the neatest thing, but I was sort of a nerd in this that I didn’t know what a cd player was until my sister got one and of course I wanted one soon after- I had my walk-man, and a basket full of tapes.

Not music tapes though, christian comedy tapes.

Mike Warnke, Mark Lowry- guys like that. I didn’t want to listen to music really. I wanted to listen to these guys, over and over, and over. I wanted to figure out how they popped the crowd, I wanted to learn about segways and opening statements. I wanted to be a writer like these guys, develop my material, write and it finally gave me an avenue to get all these voices out of my head and on to paper.

This new knowledge of said “cd player” mixed with all I had learned God-wise and people-wise from my grandpa made for some really entertaining times for me.

My grandpa was a hells fire and brimstone pastor of a small, and I mean SMALL church outside of Paris, Mo. When I say small I mean my grandpa could be preaching at the pulpit up front and reach down the aisle and shut the door for you when you came in, small. My grandpa would take me to nursing homes and we would walk room to room and he would walk in and start a conversation with a stranger and by the end of the hour he would be praying for them and know their entire life story. He’d come back and they’d know him by name the next time. Sure he was a pastor and that’s what we expect pastors to be like, but he wasn’t going there to preach to them, he was going there to just talk, he wanted to know how they were and who they were, details would come out of those people, that they themselves had never told a soul. I got to witness this first hand! You never see that anymore. Just a pure, genuine interest in people and letting them tell their story. An open ear to just shut up and listen.

Have you ever tried it? Just asking one question and then letting someone go on and on about whatever it is on their heart?

That is who I wished I was. Sure I have moments like that, but man is it  hard to find those moments in life now.

People don’t seek that anymore, well, maybe they do, through therapy- those people are making a killing right now, especially in big towns. Big towns are a whole different blog in itself. People don’t care in big towns. All they want is money and to have people think they are a big deal.

Anyway. I’ll rant on that later.

…..

……

lost where I was-

I duno, I just think right now that sometimes I have the classic cartoon devil and angel on my shoulder, especially with starting this ministry, I hear the devil speaking over me an age old song that I can’t do this and that I will never succeed and that I’m not funny, and that I’ll get on stage and forget everything I’ve rehearsed, and that people will not like me and blah blah blah blah blah…

I’m terrified.

My only saving grace is knowing that this is what I am called to do by He who lives inside of me, and greater is HE that is in me!

If you come to a point in the day where you think of me, or Laughter Doeth Good Ministries, Pray.

Pray for strength, pray for security in knowing I am good enough, knowing that my silly jokes are just a partial vital part of someone maybe seeing God through what I am doing.

Pray that God blesses this ministry, and that He chose me for a reason, that God will use me to teach others to find their smile once again.

I feel a literal burning in my stomach to do this, but as much as it burns sometimes I get weak and weary that I am not good enough.

The bible says that God uses His children for the greater of mankind. God is Love and through loving others He will show his beautiful head through me.

I’m excited. I’m terrified, but that’s ju