As I sit here and write even this morning at 9am, my daughter is on the couch, watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and screaming…

Screaming…

and

she keeps standing up on the couch and jumping…

over…

and

over…

again…

I’ve told her 3 times already to stop screaming, and jumping on the couch.

Hi, my names Jon, and I’m a parent. I sleep every other night. My wife and I trade nights of letting Pais sleep next to us in the Big bed, the big $200 f 

fsas

 saeeeeeeeeee\

 

Sorry, she just decided it would be awesome to jump on me while typing…

Where were we, yes. Our big expensive, amazingly comfy bed. I love that bed, better than the Marriott beds. The only thing wrong with that bed, is that I sleep on the edge of it… no joke. I am forced to the side of the bed by the closet, no room to turn or I’ll fall off, sleep on my left side all night edge. of. the. bed. Because this 2ft tall snoring child has taken over our bed.

She won’t sleep in her bed, in her room, in her awesome crib bed thing that we spent $300 on that converts into even a full size bed when she gets even older… BUT WE DON’T NEED IT! She’ll be in our bed! I’ll have a nice worn out spot on the floor and my wife will sleep on the couch… our backs will be broken, and I’ll have to use canes but guess what, our baby slept soundly… and that’s all that matters.

That’s just being a parent I guess.

Did you know there’s an entire other side to being a parent as well? It’s the unspoken side, the side we don’t dare exploit or bring up…

The subliminal parenting life.

It’s 10pm, night time for the Siron’s. I’m sitting on the couch watching Jimmy Kimmel while my wife is off in Pinterest land talking about chevron or some stupid fabric crap like that…. and then…. all of a sudden, it happens…

The babies crying…

full blown outright rage crying…

She wants her MiMi… a sippy cup of milk for you non-parents…

She’s freaking out… Big time….

BUT…

I’m content…

I’ve worked 10hrs today and I’m relaxing, my butt feels good on this couch and I’m happy…

Wife is content…

She’s been with that lil rager allllllllll day…she’s done… she’s just done…

We’ve both had enough…

Then sure as I’m here today out of the corner of my eye I watch my wife’s eyes pop over to mine and in slow motion she says those words…

“Daaaddddddddyyyyyy willllll geetttt itttttt……”

Whattt???!?! Me?!?!?! Whyyyyyyyyy!?!?

Are you serious?!

What is this?! What is this volunteering the other person for stuff, crap?!?!

It’s almost sickening…

Because it kinda makes you feel good to volunteer someone else for something… doesn’t it?…. you sick freak…. It’s terrible. And it starts the moment that kid is born too…

She needs a diaper (daddy will do it)

The living room needs to be cleaned (mommy will do it)

She won’t go to sleep (mommy will do it…)

Everyone with kids does it!

At least I hope… haha- Otherwise I must be a terrible parent..

 

My eyes are burning. My shoulder hurts from sleeping on it wrong, dangling off the side of the bed. I have to work until 10pm tonight too… then back at it for a long Saturday shift leading to one day off on Sunday… I’m exhausted… My wife hasn’t been sleeping regularly either… she’s up late into the night. I think it’s because she doesn’t get any alone time or adult time during the day with raising our baby girl…

Being a stay at home mom is hard.

I know from experience…

I did it once.

I did…

I remember the day…

That one fateful day when I, was, the stay at home mom.

She was nuts.

She jumped on the bed…

I chased her into the other rooms of the house…

She kept bringing toys into the living room…

I’d say no…

No…

Noooo….

She wanted a Popsicle… 

and another…

and another….

She pooped…

Over…

and over…

I had enough… I was breaking down…

I called out to my wife… Because she hadn’t even left yet, she was just getting ready in the other room…

I said “Are you sure…”

She grinned  and nodded yes…

That I-hope-you-feel-my-pain grin that only moms and wives can do…

I knew I was in for it…

 

She wants a drink…hang on…

Dads aren’t made for watching after kids…

for long periods of time anyway…

We can’t handle it… We can’t find enough stuff to do at the house to keep us content for the entire day of keeping this kid alive… So what do we do?

We’ve found out kids are easy if you take them somewhere… go to a park, go to ToysRus, the mall, whatever we can do to get out of the house… the pool… Lowes… whatever we kinda want to go to, we adapt and take that kid on a daddy day out…

It’s genius… for one, the kid always falls asleep in the car… even when your jamming out to Metallica… You can roll the windows down and not get yelled at because your wives hair is getting “all messed up”… Go awesome places you day dreamed about at work, like Guitar Center… jam out and pray that kid doesn’t knock over a $1200 Taylor…

We improvise.

Guys are easy. We’re simple creatures.

It’s so hard to keep a train of thoughts running here… she keeps wanting me to change from Super Why to Mickey on Netflix… anyway…

Is your kid throwing fits?

Ours does… terrible twos they call it… the only age at which it’s socially acceptable to be quote “Terrible”. You can’t be a terrible 30yr old, throwing fits and crying… it just doesn’t work like that… maybe the terrible 82′s… well see when  I get there.

But she is throwing a fit for everything… basically any time you say the word “No” by the time you start pronouncing the N she’s down on the ground in a heap like she just found out Elmo was murdered by Wyatt from Super Why… which is a kinda jacked up thought but let’s go with it…

I wonder what color Elmo bleeds?

Anyway… It’s certainly terrible… Oh you know where it’s the worst most embarrassing at?

Church…

We’re in the pew, all dressed up, mom has brought an entire bag of fun for her to dabble in during the service, from crayons, to stickers to her electronic Ipad-like toy… She’s set with all the materials to keep her quiet….we always make it through the worship time of singing… that’s easy… but then the preaching starts…oh man, I can barely pay attention because I’m so nervous she’s going to pop off a “Heeeeeyyyyyyy” or “Miiinnneeeeee” or “Noooooooo” followed by tears and screaming. It’s terrible… for me! I’m a nervous wreck the entire time.

Then it happens…

She tries to touch a person in the pew in front of us…

and you say “No…”

CONSTANTLY apologizing to everyone around you….

Then she’s had it…

a “Woaaah!”

or a screaming “Nooooo!” followed by tears… screaming echoing through the sanctuary tears… oh I hate those… then I try to stand up and pray my butts not hanging out of the back of my pants mooning everyone on my way out to the nursery room with my demonic daughter…

 

She wants Cheerios,….. brb.

 

But there’s one place worse for a terrible two’s break down…

Wal-Mart.

Oh Wal-Mart.

Especially when I’m alone with her… no matter what, no, matter, what… If she is crying in the cart and throwing a fit because we left the big ball pit by the toy section and went to continue grocery shopping…

People look at me like I’ve just abducted this poor child and she’s screaming for her mother…

Oh it’s the most frustrating feeling on earth…

First off, I never get dressed up to go to Wal-Mart, I mean come on who does? I’m in my hoodie and gym shorts, grass stained flip flops and backwards dirty Royals hat… I’m comfy… I haven’t shaved…it’s my day off… I don’t care… So clearly people think I’m some pedophile that’s just stolen this kid and is taking her home to live as my caged animal for the next 30 years…

Oh the looks I’ve gotten from people… older women especially. It’s embarrassing. I guarantee if I was wearing a suit, I’d still get the looks.

 

Have you watched every episode of the kids favorite show on Netflix yet, too?

My wife can sing every song from every episode of barney, super why and the mickey mouse clubhouse…

 

No joke…….she just knocked over her bowl of Cheerios…

Sigh…..

I gotta go…

 

Jesus, you’re the center of my joy,

all that’s good and perfect comes from you

you’re the heart of my contentment

hope for all I do

Jesus

You’re the center of my Joy….

 

I’ve been to 48 states. Yes, 48. By the time I was 17 even. My dad had a job selling conveyer equipment to mining companies, he traveled all over the nation, and even the world. He had been to all 50 states by the time he graduated to heaven. My dad from what I remember enjoyed his job. He enjoyed his time working, traveling, and most importantly providing for his family.

We would get up early on a Monday morning, or sometimes go stay at a hotel by the airport in KC on Sunday nights (if my sister and I got our way :) ) We’d stay in KC and that meant we got to go to the Plaza shopping that weekend… my sister loved Abercrombie, I loved FAO Swchartz, when it was there anyway… only because I didn’t fit into anything at Abercrombie… unless it was a hat… or flip flops… the cologne fit me as well… in addition, I couldn’t care less about the CEO of A&F talking bad about fat people… if you’re a fat guy, you already know where you can shop, ok? We know we can’t buy off the rack-

We had the best time, usually we would stay at the Embassy Suites… I always loved that place… we’d go to the top floor and I’d spit down into the fountain… if I was feeling frisky, I’d spit towards some old lady sitting on a chair below… one time I hit a big guy with a penny… I almost crapped my pants. I thought I was done for… but I ran into the stairwell and hid for like half an hour then came out and he was gone… I saw him later in the pool and he was clueless… Great Success.

My dad would have flights at like 5am, I don’t know if that’s the red eye, or the dead eye, or the snake eyes…somebodies eye….Hopefully not pink eye… It was my eyes that hurt being up that early. But I truly blame those early mornings on why I can get up so early nowadays with no problem. My wife hates that I wake up early… I go to bed most nights at like 9pm lol. I’m 85yrs old, I know. Lay off me I’m tired!

Anyway, I think back now that I am older of how hard that must have been for my father, we knew it was hard, he would be sad leaving us all the time flying off to some new state, away for a lot of things, baseball games, basketball games, plays, things like that… but he was making a living, I didn’t realize it then, but my dad was pushing into triple digit income. Insane…and that was back in the 80′s and 90′s when that was a pretty great salary… I would kill for something like that for my family. I wish I made half that! But the point is that he was out busting his back, climbing up towers, and getting jet lag for us. His family, He was providing. He was working his butt off for his family.

Now that I have my own family to provide for, the heat is on… the heat is ONN  HOONNN!

I’ve had some pretty great jobs in my life, I’ve been able to travel, I’ve worked for Disney doing comedy at a major attraction and on stage, I’ve been a lot of things, from range ball cart picker upper guy at a golf course to a director of retail dining at a major university… quite a vast resume right?

I worked at Old Navy for 15 minutes in college… They wanted me to stock jeans… I said no.

I have a great work ethic now, But 7 years ago…ha. Ya… I had a steady job but it was just for me. I didn’t have a family to feed. I didn’t care at all about what I made, I just needed money for the weekend haha. I bought stupid piddly junk and spent way too much on it…

But Now…

Now I’m grown, son.

I gots a kid… Peter Pans gots kids? (Anyone?) Everyone get it who’s gonna get it?

 

Love that movie… Ru-fi-ooooo! Bangarang!

 

As we all tend to, I grew up…

When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. 1Corinthians 13:11

Time to grow up ya kno? I’ve honestly struggled with it, I think if we were all honest we’d say the same thing, right? It’s a hard thing to put yourself aside, and live for providing for your family, for your kids, to step up and be a man and give it your all. My dad worked his butt off, we have numerous pictures of him covered in coal, covered in dust and inside small mining plants and caves…. It just started making sense to me to think… and you think he enjoyed that? You think he just loved being away from his family…getting all dirty, flying on planes, dealing with the airport security, driving cross country for hours and days at a time to crawl inside some coal chute for 3 days then come home?

 

Uh, No dude…

 

Grow up, get a clue… that dude must have hated his job! There are so many people out there just like that! My wife’s uncle, he is in the woods all day cutting trees down, getting bit by snakes, and tracking through the wilderness for his pay check… You think he just looooooooves what he does all day? I’m sure some parts he loves like we all do, sure. The point is, everyone has to work- We all have jobs… most of us anyway… I still can’t believe my wife gets away without one… being a mom is so easy….

 

LOL JK JK JK….

 

Dude, I could not stay here all day and be a stay at home daddy, you moms have the hardest jobs ever. That’s a fact.

 

We all have jobs, but we chose how they affect us- Amen? We all go to work for the all mighty dollar. The all mighty dollar that helps us buy the stuff. Americans have Stuffidis, were sick with it. We have garages, attics, and sheds stuffed to the brim with STUFF! I have stuff I didn’t even know I had… it’s in boxes…in the shed… we work our butts off for stuff! Then when we get stuff, we want more stuff, and the best stuff, not just regular stuff, cuz they got good stuff and my stuff is just regular stuff but their stuff is shinier…

We must honor our employers, we are gifted with the jobs we have, we are called to work for others as we are working for God Himself… it’s in the bible over and over and over again….

 

Colossians 4:1 

Masters, treat your slaves justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.

1 Peter 2:18-20 ESV 

Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust. For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God.

Proverbs 22:16 ESV 

Whoever oppresses the poor to increase his own wealth, or gives to the rich, will only come to poverty.

James 5:4 ESV 

Behold, the wages of the laborers who mowed your fields, which you kept back by fraud, are crying out against you, and the cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord of hosts.

Romans 4:4 ESV 

Now to the one who works, his wages are not counted as a gift but as his due.

Colossians 3:23 ESV 

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,

Ephesians 6:9 ESV 

Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.

Leviticus 19:13 ESV 

“You shall not oppress your neighbor or rob him. The wages of a hired servant shall not remain with you all night until the morning.

James 5:5 ESV 

You have lived on the earth in luxury and in self-indulgence. You have fattened your hearts in a day of slaughter.

Matthew 20:10-15 ESV 

Now when those hired first came, they thought they would receive more, but each of them also received a denarius. And on receiving it they grumbled at the master of the house, saying, ‘These last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat.’ But he replied to one of them, ‘Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you not agree with me for a denarius? Take what belongs to you and go. I choose to give to this last worker as I give to you. …

Jeremiah 22:13 ESV 

“Woe to him who builds his house by unrighteousness, and his upper rooms by injustice, who makes his neighbor serve him for nothing and does not give him his wages,

Colossians 3:22 ESV 

Slaves, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.

Luke 10:7 ESV 

And remain in the same house, eating and drinking what they provide, for the laborer deserves his wages. Do not go from house to house.

Leviticus 25:43 ESV 

You shall not rule over him ruthlessly but shall fear your God.

 

No matter what you do, whether you hate your job or love it like I do, in all we do, we honor God, so if liking what you do is a burden, or you feel that you just hate what you do… try to find God in it, Honor him through it,- 

My biggest problem with honoring God is that I sometimes do things for the applause of man. I want the approval of my peers, of people who are in high positions in town, and with local notables. I seek approval in them because I think it makes me “Important” Man I tell ya, it sure hasn’t been fun the past couple years seeking approval of others and the applause of man. I have finally just recently, given that up…. and guess what…

It’s hard yall…

reallllllly hard….

Especially in comedy.

Jokes get laughs, laughs bring applause, applause brings joy… for me. Makes me happy, on cloud 9… Once you have been in the spotlight and so many people keep saying “Oh jon, ohhhhh how funny and great you are…. ” It’s hard to not keep wanting that…

Did you know 80% of comics are depressed…. some of the only joy we have comes from that 15 mins of laughs we get at shows. Then off stage, comedians are very reserved, calm and even come off as mean or rude.

I’m super timid and shy sometimes.

At work, I tend to keep my head down and push forward, which is something I want to improve on for sure. I want to be my jovial self. I want to pop some jokes and get some smiles again… I just used to take it too far and had to get serious- I need to have more fun at work and not think if I lighten up I will get into trouble. I don’t need trouble at work… I just need to do my job correctly and go home… I need to have joy at work, we all do… I know there’s that cliche saying about how if you enjoy your work, you never work a day in your life- Well… that’s pretty true I’d say… I think people who truly love what they do, never work a day in their lives… and that’s what I’m after, that’s what we should all be after.

I love my Job. I love where I work, I have a great boss and we have a great business. I’m learning more everyday on how to be successful and he is a good boss for teaching me and showing me how he and the company want things done. I honor God, by showing up. Not just showing up literally, but wholly. I am wholly there. I urge you to find that sweet spot guys. Find that place where you can go to work and just be content with yourself, enough to know you are doing well, you are honoring God and the family He has blessed you with by showing up, by working your butt off, and then going home worn out and kissing your wife.

That’s huge…

Kiss that girl when you get home fellas. Ask the mother of your children how HER day way… your not as important as you think! Get over yourself! Seriously… Go hug that baby of yours… change that diaper.

Being a man of God doesn’t stop at the doorway inside the house.

Loving your family is also honoring God.

God is love.

To love your family means to be in God with them. Be in God with your work, be in God with your self, hike up your skirt and be a man!

Pray for your work, pray for your coworkers, pray for your boss, and the people who come into your business… walk the parameters of your business, pray over it, ask for God’s almighty blessing over it. Pray for God to bless what you do! Have you ever done that? DO IT! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!

Pray over your work!

Pray over your family!

Seek out God’s blessings!

Seek God’s approval and not mans!

Do things in the name of Jesus to honor our God!

Quit being so selfish!

It’s not about you!

Get over yourself!

God will bless you!

God will bless those that honor him in all they do!

Let go and let God!

It is a proven fact that alone we cannot withstand but united we can conquer all things, all things, all things, all things! We trust in the Lord that He will provide and he will! I dare you to fully trust in Him for provision and see what happens! I give my life to Him, my all, my work my family and I trust that He will provide and that through me someone might take notice and wonder what the heck is wrong with me and why I’m always so happy! Lord your will be done and not mine or ours or anyone else! God you began a good work in us and you will see it through to the end! Help us to follow you Lord and honor in all we do!

Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2013 has sucked.

Seriously. Worst year for us as a married couple yet.

….and I’m not talking about our marriage, which I would consider amazing…

…compared to all my other marriages. :)

But just life in general. I feel like I’m in a funk. You know what I mean? I get that we are greatly blessed, I know God has plans for us and he always provides, but I just feel… mediocre. I might be a bit depressed. I haven’t done comedy for a while and if you’ve ever been applauded for anything in life by a crowd, you want MORE. It’s that comic high, it’s that adrenaline of being in front of people and using what God gave you to honor him. I miss the stage I guess. I miss the spotlight, I’m a pretty humble guy, but that one thing that I had to look forward to every weekend is gone… I left the improv group I had been in for 6 years to be a family man and I have absolutely no regrets, I just want to have my cake and eat it too I guess.

I’ve had this calling on my life for years to take a comedy tour around to churches and minister to people through that… but honestly… I haven’t done a thing productive with it.

I’m scared.

I’m afraid I’ll suck.

I’m terrified that I wont be funny… that my jokes that I thought would be hilarious, and my stories that seem funny enough, would draw…crickets… chirp….chirpppp……chirrpppp…..

A really great guy who I may have burnt a bridge with taught me something I hold dear to my heart, this, “The longer you wait, the longer you wait.” Which basically means, get off the back wall… which is an improv term, the longer you stand against the back wall, the longer you wont be in a scene, and seen.

Man, if yall knew how many people stroked that ego of mine after shows. “You’re the funniest man” “You’re hilarious…” Feels good to get compliments… you know that, I mean I’m not telling you anything new. I was getting loved and appreciated where 9 to 5 Monday through Friday I’m just a worker bee, another number… but on stage, I was somebody… I mattered.

AND I KNOW YOU’RE THINKING….

But Jon you matter to your family and to your wife and daughter and that should be enough… I know right! But why can’t I wave this spiritual yearning within my being to be in front of people and do what I love… I have heard all my life, ALL my life, “Jon, you have so much potential…” What if I’m just a dude who in the end dies, and on my grave they write, “Here lies Jon, He had so much potential… ” Like a shmuck…. Just a dead shmuck that never did anything with what God gave him…

I always say I have a passion for people, loving others, caring about them and giving a crap, ya know?

Honestly…

Sometimes… I dont care.

I don’t.

I get in this funk and I couldn’t  care less about others. Imma do me, you do you…. I hate that about me. I’m a pretty selfish guy. That’s something I need to work on, I guess it’s my sin of choice, judgmental and coveting. I wish I had more than I do, and I don’t always appreciate what I do have.

I praise Hosanna in the highest, then I say crucify Him.

Meaning, I give God the glory when things are good, then I take it back for a while, then when something bad happens or I’m going through some crappy time, I bust it back out and shout his praise and pray and act like this super awesome christian guy… when really inside, I’m just spiritually dead…

Sometimes I start out prayers with, “Hey God… I know, I know… I suck.”

I do suck. I super suck.

I tell others I’m one thing then I act completely different and do whatever I want- I feel down at work a lot too. I’m just not me… lately. Seriously its been like a 7 month funk. I was starting to pull out of it during my last month at Missouri State, but now that I have a new job, I’m this lifeless dude who interviewed awesome, then I feel like I’m not what they wanted, and I don’t do something right the first time and feel completely incompetent…. I’ve been doing this for 13 years… food service. I worked my way up from Bus boy to Director of Retail dining at a major university… But somewhere along the way, that bus boy who loved to tell patrons jokes and cut jokes all day turned into this boring corporate lifeless drone…. I hate it.

I gotta find my passion again.

I don’t know how to get back to that dude I love, and everyone else loves. I feel like a boring husband too. I just work all day and I’m tired… I want to just chill out when I get home… I used to want to go out and do stuff… it’s like a real depression. Some nights I lay down and cry. Seriously… It sucks.

Maybe professional counseling is something to look into…

Or

Maybe I just need to get off that back wall and get into the scene.

Psalms 40:1-3 I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD.

No matter what, I know He’s got my back. I just wish he would show up and hand my smile back to me.
Man I love my family.
I know that seems random but seriously, I do. I love my wife, even though I drive her nuts… I’m basically a 12yr old… I leave stuff laying around, I have a gross dude bathroom with whiskers in the sink and a manure-esk aroma wafting and lingering about the house…. I don’t get to spend much time with my girls as I am gone a lot for work, and that really bums me out. I’m just the worker bee and I am providing for my family…
Blah…
It’s the funk… the allusive funk….
One other problem is that I’m nearing 30… Goodness… 30…
And I feel like I’ve done nothing, yet I’ve done more and been to more places than anyone I know… I mean come on, I’ve been to 48 states… before I was 19… I worked for Disney, went to Hawaii…. Met many famous people…. stuff that seems like a big deal, ya know? Yet I feel like such a tool sometimes. I’m nearly 30 and don’t have the biggest savings account in the world… I wish I had a better car… was in better shape physically, which I am working on and am a ton healthier than I used to be…
What a selfish, ungrateful little punk right?
These are my sins… honestly want some feedback on how to get out of that mentality…
I don’t like feeling like nothing is ever good enough… I’ve just been bitter with life for a few years. It’s probably some sort of aggression and repressed feelings from my fathers death… Woah. Right?
I automatically think, so where is my God, where is He, why am I not saved, and my burdens lifted… I don’t know, I think that I’m not doing something right, like I’m not giving it all to Him fully. Like I’ve got one foot on the alter and one foot off… I want to give God a little control but I’m afraid to give up 100%.
I just want to let go.
I mean I want to do His work for petes sake! Why am I afraid!? I want to teach others about His goodness and His life, and what He can do through others, but I don’t let Him have my life?!
What’s my deal…
The longer I wait, the longer I’ll wait….

29

Posted: January 24, 2013 in Uncategorized

29.

 

Twenty….9

 

Nearly 30…

 

2moro I turn 29…. and I don’t remember how to spell tommorrow…. tomorrow, there it is…

 

Some say 30 is the new 20, those people are idiots.

 

Is it weird that I’m freaking out as much as I am over this? I’m not 30 yet, but dude its coming… one more year until people are like oh dude you’re 30? Like what in the world cool happens once 30 hits? I see 30 as the career years, like I’ve got the family thing going now, but I’m still here and there with this career thing, I know that’s terrible right, but that’s where I am in this process called life… it’s all a process.

I’m nearly 30 and I still have the voice of a 15yr old… haha I do man, i hate my voice sometimes, I always wanted to have a deep raspy voice, but I have a moderately high medium voice, its not feminine or anything, I’m no James Earl Jones is all… I want that I want to be able to pick up a mic and shake walls… I want to have a good “You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch” Christmas voice… but it didn’t happen, maybe I need to take up smoking, might help me lose weight… ha.

Man, I had no clue what I wanted out of life when I turned 20

Does anyone?

29 dude…

weird haha…

I don’t feel old…

Sometimes my knees hurt, that’s probably from football, I like pretending I was a big deal in football in high school… I wasn’t. I hated it. We all know that one…

Now that I am getting older I really notice that I am more close to being an old man than I realize. I like people watching now. I prefer not to drive around as much as I used to… I used to take long drives and jam out to music, now I just want to get to where I’m heading and stay put. I enjoy soups and sandwiches a lot, and soft foods. I listen to more southern gospel than ever, I can’t stand teenagers, especially hipster kids… I hate it when they call things “epic”, Skinny jeans… don’t even get me started…. I can’t stand the hairstyles kids have now too and I hate how I look off into the crowd at a restaurant and everyone is texting. I pee at least 2 times a night… it’s so annoying… smallest bladder ever…. I almost want some Depends… just go man…

People don’t have conversations anymore, we’d all rather text each other. Our children are going to be so screwed up unless we let them day dream… allow your kids to have a friggin imagination…take that phone-ipad-laptop away dude, seriously… tell them to go outside, get some scuffed knees, build a fort… GET DIRTY!

That annoys me.

Sigh-

Am I crazy? Like do any other guys out there stress out about getting older? I think its more that I feel like the “good old days” are over, not that good times aren’t upon me, I love life, I love my amazing family, my girls, I wouldn’t trade it for anything, but I guess its really just a huge pivotal move in life, it’s the next 10 years that will build the foundation for career and family and buying the house of our dreams… you know, all that adult crap…

I feel super immature sometimes.

Like I’m a teenager in this body and life of a 29 year old, sometimes I have no idea what I am doing hahah, seriously, sometimes I have no idea what I am doing, how I got somewhere, day dream away for minutes at a time then realize I’m not a single dude living life… I cant seem to explain it well…

There are guys I know who are very well centered already in life with who they are and what they want to do in life…

I never really figured out until recently.

Does that make me less of a man?

All I know is this…

so pay attention,

I’ve spent the last 10 years, 10 years of my life, doing whatever it was that I wanted to do… it was the Jon Show, everyday, for 10 years. I did what I wanted, and had few consequences. I’ve done that, I didn’t get that far… sure I did some pretty cool things that few will ever get to experience in life, but when I look back at it… it’s just stupid stuff… just stuff…

This next 10 years, well, I think that’s dedicated to others… not myself. I’ve been such a selfish individual, man I suck. I feel like I’ve become this shell of a person who I once was, I used to be such a giver, such a emotional man who cared about others, I used to live to find out how people were doing, and who new people were, how their lives were going and how I could help them smile.

I want to care again.

Man, I’ve become rough.

I really shy’d up.

When did I get so shy?

Maybe I had so many people tell me to calm down that I shut down completely and became who I hate. Just a dude who keeps to himself, angry, cranky, grumpy dude who just wants get from point A to B without enjoying the drive.

I want to hold my wife like I mean it.

I want her to feel and see the man who she fell in love with in that parking lot nearly 4 years ago. I want her to fall even harder in love with me, and I want to remember that she’s just a gal who I fell in love with and not someone who is trying to ruin my life by making me be a grown up responsible go to work in a tie guy hahaha… man what is wrong with me… I love my wife, shes my girl… that girl was made for me! I waited all my life for someone to love me back…

I want this next 10 years to be a time of accomplishment. I’ve already given myself a goal of losing as much weight as I can before 30, I’m doing good, eating healthy working out walking daily… I have a different perspective of food now, I’ve been on it pretty well for a month now and I’m starting to realize how bad my addiction to food is… man, I love me some food… but it’s going to be the end of me if I keep eating like an idiot. My problem is, is that everyone else is skinnier than me and I eat as much as they do when we hang out and it doesnt stick to them but it does to me and then I’m like “well crap, how are you still skinny, oh you dont always eat like this, just every now and then well great now I feel like crap and since I’m an emotional eater I’m heading to IHOP!”

Emotional eater.

That can pretty much sum up why I’m a fatty.

That’s why next 10 years, I’m only eating one slice of turkey a day…

If only it wouldn’t give me the shakes and make me want to lay down and cry…

Don’t even get me started on my baby girl…

Man, I want so much for her in life… but my butt better be getting on it if I want to see her future… I don’t want her to have to go through daddy’s pains. I don’t want her to feel left out, or behind in life, or feel like she can’t do something because we didn’t make enough money to get the best of things for her… I couldn’t live with myself for being so selfish. It’s all about her now. I know I got some life left in me to give… a ton of it… a long life of loving and work and dedication to watching her grow, but I have to wake up…

 

Father fill me with the desires of your heart and not mine. Lord you know who I am, you know what I am capable of, so I beg of you, please, fill me with the desires of your heart and not my own, Lord. God take me to a place where I would walk in faith knowing that is it the right path, that I would not fret, that I would not falter, that I would stand tall and know that I am righteous. God that people would see you in me and not me for who I am, I am a lowly sinner, I suck, I tell you that daily, faithfully, I know I suck at loving you but God that’s why you are God, you forgive me for the junk. God replace my hearts desires….

 

So the challenge lies before me, growing older and growing up. I want to be an amazing husband, and I want to be an amazing dad. I have nothing but good intentions. I guess its just scary to this man-child. I can’t help but wonder if it’s this scary for everyone else? I mean not like literally afraid to move forward but… wow… wait…. this pessimistic guy… who is that… see this is who I’ve becoming, glass is always half empty… I hate that about me. I hate that I fall so easily into this….

Who is this guy…

I hope I get it figured out… 

 

Blah….

 

 

GET OUTTA THIS FUNK SIRON….

 

DUCKS FLY TOGETHER!

 

Pray for me yall…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, hello there…

Posted: December 8, 2012 in Uncategorized

I figure its been long enough since my last rambling. See, there have been some changes since I last spoke, so let’s get you up to speed…

 

1. We moved. Yup, I am no longer in Springfield, no longer an insurance guy, no longer a suburban family suckling off the teet of middle class mediocrity. I have a long history of working in food service, and I took a position with Missouri S&T as the Director of Retail… yup, big title, salary, long hours, 1 day off a week (maybe), I make schedules, and babysit a staff of 50 “grown ups” who absolutely hate that I am younger than them and in the position I am in. So life is just awesome for me…

2. Paisleigh is a walker. Yup, she can walk now. She is into everything, and I mean everything, if she can reach it, its in her hands and potentially in her mouth… its a nightmare. I just wish that she should could remain little but be so insanely intelligent that she knows that sleep isn’t bad, that its dangerous to put random things in your mouth, and that crying about anything we say “No” to isn’t kosher.

3. We live in Rolla, Mo. Rooollllllaaaaa Misery….. Meth and cowboy capital of Missouri. Whoopidy freakin doo…. I hate this town, it’s a fine place to visit with family, but man oh man it’s just one of those little farm towns with randomly one of the best technology colleges in america in it… You’d think the town would be better. But it’s not… it sucks.

4. I found an outlet. I started an Improv comedy company at the local theater to keep my sanity. It’s pretty awesome, we have a legit theater to do shows out of, and we are already booking shows around the community! So that’s pretty cool. I’ll post pics when I can once we have some to post… heh.

5. Well, that might be all that’s different now…

 

So…

 

here we are…

 

how ya doin…

 

Can I be honest? I think that’s been the theme of my blog right, honesty? Well, honestly, let’s talk about how much of a mistake it was to move to Rolla hahaha, that’s whats on my mind dude, haha… Like, it is amazing, and awesome, and the best thing ever seriously that we are so close to Chasitys family, they are such a blessing to our lives, like for real, they are. If you think you have a great family, times it times a million bazillion and then you have my wife’s family. Seriously… That is the only, and best part of being in this town.

I really honestly can’t stand this job. It’s not the job, it’s just the people. This place has the most negative people who work here, sure there are some gems in the rubble, but man, there is just the worst energy here… bad ora all around… negative vibes… bad bad bad bad vibrations… (everyone get that who’s gonna get it…) anyway. I don’t know if it’s just the town or what, but man some places you experience in life are just like this I guess… I mean the last time I experienced something like this was when I worked a summer job cutting window frames in half at a factory… don’t ask… I was full-time staff within a room of ex cons, mexican mafia, and 1 dude who had an eye patch… seriously…

And I already know my christian friends out there are saying “God puts us where we are for a reason, and to be Christ-like for those people….” Well let me trade you jobs for a minute and let you come live this dream for a day… I sound ungrateful don’t I? I’m really not, I thank God for blessing us with a job in general during this time of life where some are without a job, but man, it just really gets to me. It’s the same people who are negative day in and day out, the older folks who have been here since dirt and are stuck in their ways about how things are ran, and I can’t call them out on their crap because they’ve been here forever and are considered “The A Team”.  I hate that. They do their job, but without the smile we encourage all to have and they get away with it… really bothers me…

It bothers me to the point where I am not myself here. I consider myself a pretty happy guy, good-humored and whatnot. I for the life of me, can’t smile here. It’s in my head too much I think…

I think about holidays missed with my baby girl, I missed the Christmas parade, and getting to see her face light up seeing Santa and the lights. I miss out on her growing up. I wasn’t there for her first steps… She did a somersault the other day, I hear. It breaks me down. I turn into this big baby that just wants to run home and hug his family over it. I miss them, I need them. It sucks…

I get that I am the provider for the family, that’s fine, doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt me when I miss those things.

My dad traveled for my of my childhood, he did sales for engineering companies, the dude would be gone every week. He missed things here and there, but he was truly there for all the big stuff, and I remember that, I don’t remember who was there when my first tooth came in or the first time I said a real word. I don’t care really… I just hope I can be there for those big things and more importantly that she remembers I was there…

I guess we chalk it up to getting older.

I loathe getting older.

I loathe being an adult. It’s not fun.

It’s not.

I thought when I was going to be older I would be some movie star or huge comedian on SNL.

I sometimes feel that I was told I was “awesome” too many times. Maybe I was encouraged TOO much when growing up. Gave me too high of hopes for myself… maybe we need to teach our children that it’s not going to be a glamorous life-like they see on the TV.

Society kills me…

America kills me…

we gluttonous money hungry fools…

People are dying in other countries, even right here in America… there are some among us who live in shanty towns, houses made out of boxes we throw away.

It’ll never change…

Bah…

 

Anyways…

 

That got dark quick huh? Geez, Debbie Downer…

 

Sorry…

 

Life ain’t always cupcakes and cartwheels…

 

especially for people living in boxes….

 

 

 

 

 

Lord, I apologize…

 

 

 

Good to be back ya’ll….

 

Bangarang!

Posted: July 11, 2012 in Uncategorized

If you have eve blogged then you’ll know what I’m talking about- Have you ever started a blog, a real good blog, and then were pulled away from your computer and then came back to it hours later to finish said blog and then realized your in a much better mood from what happened while away…

That’s what just happened.

I had an amazing blog, one for the record books, one people would laugh about later in their day or life upon reminiscence of-

And I just deleted all of it.

Something happened, my day and attitude changed, for the wayyy better.

I had an amazing verbiage onslaught of rant upon the idea of “burnout”.

But now,

Now I’m over it to the angry extent I was going to rant upon it, I mean it was bad, like Taylor Swift “Why Ya Gotta Be So Mean” bad…

I was going to rant on how much I dislike something and that’s not productive to do, but dangit, it’s fun, right?

Occupational burnout or colloquially as job burnout is characterized by exhaustion, lack of enthusiasm and motivation, feeling ‘drained’, and also may have the dimension of frustration and/or negative emotions and cynical behaviour, and as a result – reduced professional efficacy within the workplace.

Here’s the deal, let’s talk this out and rationalize it-

Why are you in the career position you are right now?

Are you at the top? Are you at Mecca in your job? Doesn’t get any better than that?

I accepted a position with a company doing sales, something I had never, ever, done before, why they wanted ME, was purely off of my amazingly outgoing, humorous, and sexy personality, or so I’ve heard…

I had never done sales in my life! I was extremely unqualified for selling insurance! I mean borderline a liability here in the office… :)

I only know what “Liability” means now because I worked here!

I could honestly, honestly care less who has what insurance coverage and where they got it-

I am smarter about it personally because of all the horror stories I’ve heard-

The kicker-

I don’t even have insurance with the company I sell it for! OMiGosh! LOL

Not because I found a “better” product, but because for me personally, it was all about price- and that stupid little green lizard actually did save me hundreds… AND IT DID ONLY TAKE 15 MINS!

And I’m not going to be ashamed of it any longer!

So there cruel world! Take that! Ha!

Since I was 15 years old, I’ve just known what I am supposed to do with my life, and that is be in ministry, whether that position has me as a Youth Pastor, or Mentor at a crisis center, I don’t know, all I know is that I have a passion, no a calling, to help others. All I want to do with my life is help others, I want to listen to them, I want to hear their every hearts dream, I want to connect them with people who can help develop those gifts and talents, I want to see people succeed!

I don’t want to get yelled at by some dude who doesn’t want to have a telemarketer calling him trying to sell insurance!

People HATE sales calls.

I do too…

I guess I figured that people would love my warm and funny personality… but they don’t. they can’t see me smile back, and actually listen to them speak their mind-

The absolute only part I love about my “job”, is when I get to go to other peoples homes and sit on their couch, or kitchen table, and they offer me a drink and them tell me about their lives. I don’t know what happens or why people feel so relaxed with me to tell me intimate details and quirks from their lives, but it happens.

2 times I have brought grown men to tears just by sitting back and listening to their story.

That’s what I want to do!

There is nothing in my heart that wants to wake up every day, put on my slacks and polo, and then go bother people on the phone all day with something they don’t want! I hate that! I can’t stand it! Who wants a salesman to call them?!

But it pays the bills…

Unless I can find a job where I just randomly call people and say, “Go ahead…” and expect them to tell me stories all day then I have to keep it real and work, otherwise The Sirons might be living under the bridge your drive over on the way to your job!

We cowboy up, and we ride. Right?

Men are called to provide for their families, and that’s all I’m trying to do. Honestly, it’s all I want to do! I want my wife and daughter to have things I didn’t have, which honestly, is kind of hard, because my dad wanted the same for me, and my sister and I did get what we wanted! BUT it was because of his hard work to provide that lifestyle for us! My dad worked- every week he was gone, flying to new cities selling mining products, and he missed out on some things sure, but he wanted us to have what he never did- That’s all I want now too!

I finally understand why when my sister and I were busy getting all the stuff we wanted when I’d look over and ask him why he wasn’t getting something new, he would say, “aw I don’t need it” I feel the same way now too- I don’t need anything now- I just want to spoil my girls.

Money is evil, man.

Well, it can be anyway.

I’m not a man who wants to be a millionaire by any means, sure it’d be nice, but I just want enough to have a good savings account, with enough, not “just enough”, but enough to live relaxed and not scared of bills. That’s all I’m working for-

It’s funny how we go from high school where mommy and daddy still take care of our every need, to them weening us off a bit in college, then by the end of college you sort of have it under control, surviving off of ramen noodles and the cafeteria to being an adult with a job, hardly any bills really, maybe renting a place with a buddy, then once you meet that love of your life…

It’s allllllllll you buddy!

Ramen noodles don’t fly at our house…

You’ve got the house payment, car payment, insurance, cell phones, tv, internet, gas bill, electric, water, sewer, the garbage man needs his 40 bucks for 3 months of picking up your crap, and then food, and heaven forbid you have a child and then theres diapers, and clothes, and formula, oooohhhh Lordie formula…. 15 BUCKS A CAN AND SHE GOES THROUGH IT LIKE SHE THINKS IF SHE KEEPS DRINKING IT SHE’LL WIN SOMETHING! I mean how in the world do you even try to save a dollar when you have all these things to pay! I’ve literally had checks when I’ve said ok now whats left for us to do something with and my wife has said $0.43!

Lord have mercy can I get a witness?!

Oh, well it’s a recession, and everyone is feeling it… I get that, but man oh man, things are tight right now aren’t they? How long will this go on? I am not a political person at all but dude someone has gotta fix this! We all need to shut up and stop arguing and listen to a good plan otherwise were going down, baby.

What is your passion?

What makes you tick?

What makes you feel like no one can stop you and on top of the world?

Now,

Why aren’t you doing it?

(Well, Jon, because ribbon dancing puppeteer-ing doesn’t pay the bills… )

I get that, and even for me, knowing I should be in a church somewhere teaching students yet haven’t been called to a church yet…waiting patiently… I know what I am called to do…

But I’m still working towards it while being stuck behind this desk… I’ve written more comedy over the past year than ever before having this desk job I hate.

How can you be productive in your passion right where you are in life?

You need to figure this out, because if your like me, and you feel burnout at work, then how are you going to fix it? What can you do right now to achieve your goals?

Let me tell you this, E! is not going to show up at your door with cameras one day to pay you so they can film your every move, you are not a Kardashian ladies.

Men, the NFL is not calling you, please take off the jersey and get real-

We think we grow up, get married, and give up our dreams because we find different goals, like just watching our children get married and growing old with our spouse. That is all well and good and that’s living the dream too, but I don’t want my daughter to grow old, get married, and then give up on what she always wanted to do with her life, No Way!

I want to teach her to tackle her goals no matter how silly they seem to us “Grown Ups” You had a dream once, maybe if you look for a minute you can find it again!

Whatever you have to do to find that person you were 5, 10, 20 years ago, find them, shake them, and wake them up however you have to because we are not living up to our full potential here!

You were not made to work inside a cubical for someone who belittles you, and has power trips every other day!

You were meant for so much more, and that’s the truth, whether you want to get biblical or not about is all up to you and God, but I know my life is supposed to be something I can’t even fathom right now, maybe something will happen in a day, or even 3 years, or 10, but at least I know who I am and I’m not giving up on my calling.

Don’t give up.

You can do it.

As Julia Roberts playing “Tink” in Hook would say, (best movie ever btw)

“Find your happy place!”

And then….

Bangarang!

Denominations put people into categories that make christians against each other and that is not what the Gospel preaches. – Me

I like to refer to myself, religion-wise, as a denominational mutt, meaning because I was raised at my Grandpas hells fire and brimstone Pentecostal church, I visited my other grandparents Lutheran church, we went to an AG church, I went to youth group at a Presbyterian, Methodist, and Baptist church through the week, I also volunteered and went to a non-denominational group called Young Life, and now as an adult, I chose Non- Denom churches…

I get that the first rebuttal from someone who already hates what I am saying is probably along the lines of “People make those choices to be against other denominations, not churches themselves… ” In my experience, that’s not necessarily true, every denomination I have visited makes jokes about other denominations, given if you don’t have a light hearted sense of humor about it, can be taken in the wrong way.

It really makes me wonder why people chose the denoms they do- So, open forum, you’re reading this, so leave me a post of where you go to church and why.

Answer some of these questions too, maybe not for me, but just for yourself-

Why am I here?

Are you going to the same church just because that is where you were raised or your parents dropped you off at?

Do you truly agree with the denominations values and beliefs?

Do you truly even know what the church you are going to believes in itself?

Have you ever read or taken the time to ask about the mission statement of the church?

What do you like about where you go?

Are you only there because you have friends there?

Does the preacher convict you?

Is the music good?

Do you need to have a rock show worship, or are you fine with a choir and organ?

What do you actually believe?

What do you want from a church, and are you getting it from where you go?

If you love where you go, have you become a member? If not, why?

Are you tithing to that church?

Are you giving your full 10%?

If not, are you in a financial bind?

(Because I guarantee once you start tithing, you will see double increase in your income!)

God blesses good stewards!

These are extremely important things to think about! You cannot just choose a church based on if they sing your favorite worship song or not! How quick are we to judge another church in how they worship or how the pastor preaches! JUDGING IS A SIN! How dare we say we won’t go somewhere because we don’t enjoy their style right? We all do it though… I mean I know you will never catch me in a traditional Lutheran, or catholic church… but I’m just saying, I too need to work on my judgement of other denominations-

If you want to listen to an organ in the morning and not an overdone laser light show with rock metal music and worship leaders in skinny jeans and a scarf… then by all means pipe away…

There are many like me, who have a more eclectic style where I can sit in a tabernacle listening to Gaither Hymns all day, or I can go to the neighborhood Six Flags over Jesus, get my Starbucks and dance in the aisle…

I don’t care how you worship, we don’t all worship the same way…

I have a couple songs that I can listen to that will bring tears of joy to my heart and I’ll be driving down the road and before I know it, the dude next to me is wondering why I’ve got my arm out the window praising God and weeping like a baby… it’s happened more times than I like to admit…

I am so sick of people not claiming where they go to church and being proud of it.

There is a certain stigma with the church I like to attend here in town, it is what you would call a “Mega- Church”, I’m not a member, only because I like to go to several churches, I don’t like being tied down, if I want to go to a small church one day, I will, if I want to get my face melted off, I go to Mass… hahaha…. noooo way… I love you Ryan,(my best friend who happens to be catholic who reads my blog) but man oh man I don’t like the idea of going to mass and saying “Hey, uh, here’s my prayer Mr. Saint, can you put in a word to the big guy for me?”

My God talks to me, we have a direct line… I don’t need any middle man… we got this… no secretary needed…

One of the other denominations I love the people of who love God too, but Lord almighty, I cannot do business with the tree huggin hippies over at the methodist church… ohhhh man, I was once a youth pastor for a methodist church… goodness sakes… during the interview for that position a mom came in for the group interview in a swimsuit… the pastor carried a gun at all times… it was just too much man… God bless them and may He do what he wants with that place but… ya… I feel I am tad liberal, but I lean pretty conservative in the churchly world…

See what I mean, about christians being against other christians? I mean I just ranted on other churches and I’m telling you not to! It’s so easy to just fall right into dogging on someone or thing… I feel bad about it, but I’m just keeping it real, y’all-

I just look at Christ and what he taught us as humans and I just don’t get how people can take what he said and interpret into one thing or another idea… of course if we took everything literal we’d all be amish… right? is that what they do? I know they make good bread… if being amish means you know how to make that bread, then maybe I’d like to amish… except I can’t grow a full beard… and I like to shower… and video games… and I’m fat… and they would hate me… because I don’t speak german… don’t they speak german or something? What’s that all about? or in their pronunciation, “Aboot” Gosh, I’m a bad person… Luckily I have a Father who forgives me… no hail marys needed… unless im on the field… which I just now understood why they call it that…long pass…a prayer… Hmm.

And what’s the deal with these mormons… just kidding…

How’s about I just rant on every denomination completely ruining how I meant this blog to be…

Mormons are only a little less jacked up than Tom Cruise and his placenta eating Scientologist friends and whatever the people on Sister Wives are…are they mormon?! Dude that show is jacked up!

Have you seen the Amish show on the Discovery Channel? I think its on that channel… where its a documentary about a man who helps teenagers leave the amish life… amish people are jacked up too!

I think when we get to heaven God is going to look at us and say “None of y’all had it all right…”

I think He is going to look at me, hopefully give a mighty chuckle, shake his head and say, “Come on, let’s go see your dad… he’s been waiting for you…and after that, I want to show you a few things…”

I don’t think any denomination has it all figured out… though I do think Jesus loves him some Gaither Homecoming dvd’s. I bet whatever denomination Bill Gaither is, is what we should all be… he is amazing.

I think we should all give up fighting each other on all of this too.. what good has it done to shun an atheist or beat up a struggling homosexual? Such an easy target for “Christians” Who do you think you are?! I know we are not supposed to hate, but I HATE the ignorance people have who think one sin is worse than others! The church needs to preach this! I wish pastors would remind their church every single sunday of this fact!

Christianity as a whole has a biiiiiiiiiiggggg scar right now in life that churches in the past have ripped open wounds and poured salt into…. People everywhere have such a horrible taste in their mouths from some ignorant church, or some idiot false prophet, telling them they are going to burn in hell for whatever they are doing… condemning people and making all of Christianity look like crazy jerks.

Had you seen the article about the group of Christians that went to Gay Pride in LA and apologized for how Christians treated them, and there is the picture of a homosexual man hugging a christian?

Granted, I think that even Homosexuals scowled at the picture because the gay man was only wearing tighty whiteys… whatever works bro… it’s the point that some of us are actually trying to fix this!

But then again,

For every one person trying to fix this, there are 100 idiots out there who go to church on Sundays then are calling every well dressed & manicured man the “F” word on Monday.

I’m straight, and I love manicures… if you’ve never had one.. what are you waiting for, go!

The church needs to fix the people in it’s own building before we even need to think about stepping outside the walls…

I get that the church is full of sinners that’s why we are there, but man, if you can’t even get your own sin in check why in the world are you casting judgement on others?!

Throw that stone and see what happens, judge yourself first then once you get yourself in line…which will be never… then you can call others out!

I love God, I love Jesus, I love church, but man, we really have to focus more attention on ourselves…

So take what you will from this… I’m fired up… you should be too! Do something different and love others, stand out from the crowd and beg for forgiveness…

This is truly being Christ-like.

Love yall-

J