29

Posted: January 24, 2013 in Uncategorized

29.

 

Twenty….9

 

Nearly 30…

 

2moro I turn 29…. and I don’t remember how to spell tommorrow…. tomorrow, there it is…

 

Some say 30 is the new 20, those people are idiots.

 

Is it weird that I’m freaking out as much as I am over this? I’m not 30 yet, but dude its coming… one more year until people are like oh dude you’re 30? Like what in the world cool happens once 30 hits? I see 30 as the career years, like I’ve got the family thing going now, but I’m still here and there with this career thing, I know that’s terrible right, but that’s where I am in this process called life… it’s all a process.

I’m nearly 30 and I still have the voice of a 15yr old… haha I do man, i hate my voice sometimes, I always wanted to have a deep raspy voice, but I have a moderately high medium voice, its not feminine or anything, I’m no James Earl Jones is all… I want that I want to be able to pick up a mic and shake walls… I want to have a good “You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch” Christmas voice… but it didn’t happen, maybe I need to take up smoking, might help me lose weight… ha.

Man, I had no clue what I wanted out of life when I turned 20

Does anyone?

29 dude…

weird haha…

I don’t feel old…

Sometimes my knees hurt, that’s probably from football, I like pretending I was a big deal in football in high school… I wasn’t. I hated it. We all know that one…

Now that I am getting older I really notice that I am more close to being an old man than I realize. I like people watching now. I prefer not to drive around as much as I used to… I used to take long drives and jam out to music, now I just want to get to where I’m heading and stay put. I enjoy soups and sandwiches a lot, and soft foods. I listen to more southern gospel than ever, I can’t stand teenagers, especially hipster kids… I hate it when they call things “epic”, Skinny jeans… don’t even get me started…. I can’t stand the hairstyles kids have now too and I hate how I look off into the crowd at a restaurant and everyone is texting. I pee at least 2 times a night… it’s so annoying… smallest bladder ever…. I almost want some Depends… just go man…

People don’t have conversations anymore, we’d all rather text each other. Our children are going to be so screwed up unless we let them day dream… allow your kids to have a friggin imagination…take that phone-ipad-laptop away dude, seriously… tell them to go outside, get some scuffed knees, build a fort… GET DIRTY!

That annoys me.

Sigh-

Am I crazy? Like do any other guys out there stress out about getting older? I think its more that I feel like the “good old days” are over, not that good times aren’t upon me, I love life, I love my amazing family, my girls, I wouldn’t trade it for anything, but I guess its really just a huge pivotal move in life, it’s the next 10 years that will build the foundation for career and family and buying the house of our dreams… you know, all that adult crap…

I feel super immature sometimes.

Like I’m a teenager in this body and life of a 29 year old, sometimes I have no idea what I am doing hahah, seriously, sometimes I have no idea what I am doing, how I got somewhere, day dream away for minutes at a time then realize I’m not a single dude living life… I cant seem to explain it well…

There are guys I know who are very well centered already in life with who they are and what they want to do in life…

I never really figured out until recently.

Does that make me less of a man?

All I know is this…

so pay attention,

I’ve spent the last 10 years, 10 years of my life, doing whatever it was that I wanted to do… it was the Jon Show, everyday, for 10 years. I did what I wanted, and had few consequences. I’ve done that, I didn’t get that far… sure I did some pretty cool things that few will ever get to experience in life, but when I look back at it… it’s just stupid stuff… just stuff…

This next 10 years, well, I think that’s dedicated to others… not myself. I’ve been such a selfish individual, man I suck. I feel like I’ve become this shell of a person who I once was, I used to be such a giver, such a emotional man who cared about others, I used to live to find out how people were doing, and who new people were, how their lives were going and how I could help them smile.

I want to care again.

Man, I’ve become rough.

I really shy’d up.

When did I get so shy?

Maybe I had so many people tell me to calm down that I shut down completely and became who I hate. Just a dude who keeps to himself, angry, cranky, grumpy dude who just wants get from point A to B without enjoying the drive.

I want to hold my wife like I mean it.

I want her to feel and see the man who she fell in love with in that parking lot nearly 4 years ago. I want her to fall even harder in love with me, and I want to remember that she’s just a gal who I fell in love with and not someone who is trying to ruin my life by making me be a grown up responsible go to work in a tie guy hahaha… man what is wrong with me… I love my wife, shes my girl… that girl was made for me! I waited all my life for someone to love me back…

I want this next 10 years to be a time of accomplishment. I’ve already given myself a goal of losing as much weight as I can before 30, I’m doing good, eating healthy working out walking daily… I have a different perspective of food now, I’ve been on it pretty well for a month now and I’m starting to realize how bad my addiction to food is… man, I love me some food… but it’s going to be the end of me if I keep eating like an idiot. My problem is, is that everyone else is skinnier than me and I eat as much as they do when we hang out and it doesnt stick to them but it does to me and then I’m like “well crap, how are you still skinny, oh you dont always eat like this, just every now and then well great now I feel like crap and since I’m an emotional eater I’m heading to IHOP!”

Emotional eater.

That can pretty much sum up why I’m a fatty.

That’s why next 10 years, I’m only eating one slice of turkey a day…

If only it wouldn’t give me the shakes and make me want to lay down and cry…

Don’t even get me started on my baby girl…

Man, I want so much for her in life… but my butt better be getting on it if I want to see her future… I don’t want her to have to go through daddy’s pains. I don’t want her to feel left out, or behind in life, or feel like she can’t do something because we didn’t make enough money to get the best of things for her… I couldn’t live with myself for being so selfish. It’s all about her now. I know I got some life left in me to give… a ton of it… a long life of loving and work and dedication to watching her grow, but I have to wake up…

 

Father fill me with the desires of your heart and not mine. Lord you know who I am, you know what I am capable of, so I beg of you, please, fill me with the desires of your heart and not my own, Lord. God take me to a place where I would walk in faith knowing that is it the right path, that I would not fret, that I would not falter, that I would stand tall and know that I am righteous. God that people would see you in me and not me for who I am, I am a lowly sinner, I suck, I tell you that daily, faithfully, I know I suck at loving you but God that’s why you are God, you forgive me for the junk. God replace my hearts desires….

 

So the challenge lies before me, growing older and growing up. I want to be an amazing husband, and I want to be an amazing dad. I have nothing but good intentions. I guess its just scary to this man-child. I can’t help but wonder if it’s this scary for everyone else? I mean not like literally afraid to move forward but… wow… wait…. this pessimistic guy… who is that… see this is who I’ve becoming, glass is always half empty… I hate that about me. I hate that I fall so easily into this….

Who is this guy…

I hope I get it figured out… 

 

Blah….

 

 

GET OUTTA THIS FUNK SIRON….

 

DUCKS FLY TOGETHER!

 

Pray for me yall…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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